Monday, December 30, 2013

*Melting*

My student, a 4 year old boy, asks to sit on my lap during circle time.

Me to student: Why do you want to sit on my lap?

Student: Because!

Me: Because why?

Student: Because you are the best Morah!

I officially love my job.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Step

I feel like I am in the midst of this grand balancing act, my arms spread as far as I possibly can, praying I don't fall.
On my head there are plates and bowls and shoes and books and hearts piled high. One step wrong and everything falls.
I fall.
I just need to get to the other side.
I need to get through a few more days... weeks... months... and then I can breathe (a bit) easier.
Phone calls... emails... texts... letters...
Money, miles and meetings.
High expectations... high risk factor.
I am not at risk.
But so much is at risk.
One small step...
For me.
One giant leap...
For life.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

War

Don't call it a fight when you know it's a war...

Heroes, warriors
Fighters in the field
But not with guns
Or swords
They are fighting
Themselves
A battle that bravery
Cannot win
And strength cannot overcome
It is a battle
I have seen too many times
Yet, it happens
Again
Again
And again
And those who can end this war
Who have the power
To join and fight
Have settled
For shutting their doors
Closing their hearts
As the innocent fall
They don't give out their weapons
Or make known their solidarity
Instead they sit
High on a hill
Behind closed white doors
While those in white-washed rooms
End their war
With a steady beep
Reminding us one more time
That the battle was lost
And the war rages on.

(It makes me angry. So angry. I didn't know Sam, but by this point, many who didn't know him have become painfully aware of his life... and his death.
Cancer is a battle... a WAR we can win if only those with the power to make a difference will finally get off their lazy, greedy, heartless behinds and DO something about it.
How can children dying not be a wake up call? The drums of war have been sounded... and some people just refuse to hear them...)

In memory of Sam... http://supermansamuel.blogspot.com/

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Mi Adir

There is something
About being here
Watching as this monumental moment
Takes place
Seas were split
Mountains were climbed
And hearts
Were broken
To bring them
To this moment
Where he looks at her
And she, at him
Bracing themselves
For that one foot falling
That shattering of pieces
That signifies
How they will come together
To build a home
Remnant of a time
When we were all one
And now that they are one
The music begins
The laughter is boundless
And tears flow
And something about being here
Watching as this transpires
Brings me a kind of joy
That I cannot fully put to words
But through these ones
I have tried.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Midnight Musings

I am reading into things. I am watching for neon signs, lights burning bright in the night, guiding me. Perhaps this is the one that will guide me home. That person in my path... yes, he must have all the answers.
I have learned to turn away from thieves in the darkness. But finding an honorable man... well, that is harder than that "needle in a haystack" theory. 
Is every sign meant for me? Is every signal meant to turn me? Did I stumble into Oz? Is some crazy misguided brainless scarecrow sending me scurrying in every which direction? Or will the man behind the curtain eventually reveal his truest intentions?
Maybe this rabbit hole I have fallen down, this life that seems to crazy to be real, is just the dose of medicine I need.
I am smiling. I am happy. But at the same time, I am searching. There is mystery to be questioned. There are pebbles to be tossed, to create ripples in the water. But to settle... to feel like I have accomplished... well that would be better than anything.
So... I continue searching. I wander. I try to fulfill the plan intended for me.
I think one day I might be able to accept what has been sent to me. Until then, all I can do is try.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Written in...

It used to be
That your fate was sealed
In black and white
As plain as day
No denying what the written word said
But now... 
Even after the proverbial ink has faded
And memories have whitewashed to
Paleness
Someone
Somewhere
Can drudge up
Your shame
Words
Attached to your name
Though you have repented
Changed your ways
There is no escape
Archives
Endless records
Of every thought
Word
Comes back like a poison arrow
At the heart
Straight for the kill
Maybe
If I stand still
It won't hurt
As much

Monday, December 2, 2013

Letting Go

I release you
To the wind
To the sky
I finally
Will let go
I finally know
Holding on
To this heart
I thought was mine
Has only made me
Hate mine own heart
So I start
A new
By letting go
Of you
The past
Can no longer weigh me down
I no longer
Will be chained by
Someone who I thought
Was so high
But at the end
You were human
Like the rest
And at best
You had flaws
The same as me
So you see
To let go
Means to know
I have flaws of my own
But I no longer
Am trapped by yours
So for that
I let go
And embrace
A new heart
Apart
From yours
I
Finally
Can let go.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Too

I am trying to
Though
Therefore
I doubt
I shall
Perhaps
Carry on
Onto
Unto
The wondrous
Ridiculous
They who
Ridicule
Are simply
Too scared
Yet
YET
Are
We
There
Yet
Something
Someone
Somewhere
It's just
That I
Don't really know
But
My mind
Made up
To try
So
I shall.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

The Happiest Time of the Year

Happiness is...
Hundreds of presents
Wrapped under a tree
One for you
And ninety nine for me

Happiness is...
Trampling a stranger
For a deal so good
That I have no problem
Knocking someone where he stood

Happiness is...
Sitting around saying thanks
For all I have
While looking at the next gadget
I can grab

Wait...

TRUE happiness is...
Having beliefs
Bigger than me
Morals and values
That have guided us for centuries

TRUE happiness is...
Overcoming adversity
And returning home to rebuild
Discovering that not all hope was destroyed
Because one flask was still sealed

TRUE happiness is...
Finding that spark within
That burns brighter than twinkling lights
And remember that miracles do occur
Far longer than those magical eight nights...

Thursday, November 21, 2013

This Place

I am here
At this placed called
Now
And I wonder
How
Did I get here
Miles from where
I intended be
Reading this map
That's outdated
Never updated
But should somehow
Guide me
Show me
Where I need to be
I am following
Unpaved roads
Don't know
Which direction
And without discretion
I am asking strangers
Talking to scarecrows
And skipping merrily
But I am terribly
Afraid
That I might end up
On the wrong side
Of the story
And will fade
Without glory
Alone

Monday, November 18, 2013

Voices

It's voices...
Faint reminders
Those nagging...
Doubts...
Sometimes
They are quiet
And sometimes
They are
So 
Loud
It shouldn't be allowed
We only use indoor voices
Inside my head
You don't need to scream
I can hear
Loud and clear
If you were anymore near
I would fall from the reverberations 
Of your voice
The ground shakes
The earth opens
I am swallowed whole
Falling into
The silence
And at last,
I am at peace
In pieces.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Pressure

The little tea pot
Burning on the fire
Little puffs of steam
Burning higher

Shut tight
Nowhere to escape
Locked with chains
And sealed tight

Getting hotter and hotter
Too hot to touch
Can we cool down
This is getting to be a bit much 

Let's turn up the heat
Can you handle the pressure
If I could
Would I feel this under the weather

Run faster
Do more
Be the best
Get the highest score

Lose yourself
In the craze of reality
Try to keep calm
And don't lose your normalcy

But once it gets too hot
This little pot
Is bound to overflow
And explode

(What a childish way to express the stress I feel but since all this pressure is building up in my brain I have lost my ability to write normally... for the time being... but I had to write something... so here...)

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Vulnerable

I don't think people realize how vulnerable we are until we see each other in our pajamas...

But if you are wearing a superman t-shirt, you might be safe...

Monday, October 21, 2013

Road Trip

Let's go out on the road
But please
Don't take me for a ride
I am not ready
To take a trip with you
We have been tripping through
This relationship
You call "friendship"
When were we ever
Actually friends
You never knew the meaning
The give and take
So fake
It's all about your insecurities
Self esteem
Or lack thereof
And I am so done
With trying to please you
Or even appease you
So the next time
You have somewhere to go
You better know
I won't be going with.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Over It

Over it
Or simply
Over being obsessed with you
Trying to decipher
It's just unclear
How I feel
When I think of...
Us two.
It's been
A year
I missed the anniversary
Of when we
Fell out of touch
Even though you touched
The deepest part of me
Am I really
Over you?
Or over what you did to me
Can it be
That you are
Over it too?

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Today

Sticky hands
And smelly feet
Playing games
Never being neat
Hands in places
Hands shouldn't be
Who could judge
When I am cute as can be?
Runny noses
And chewed up sleeves
I may look sweet
But my smile deceives
Crayons and glue
Swings and slides
I am so young
I can't explain what I feel inside
So I will hit
I probably will scream
But it isn't really
All it seems

Monday, September 30, 2013

A Prayer

Dear G-d,
I pray to you
Two times a day
I try
But G-d
I sigh
I must confess
I am a mess
And only you
Know what to do
What my life will be
If it were up to me
I would fast forward through
See the man I will marry
The house we'll own
And the children we'll raise
But G-d
What I want the most
Is clarity
That precious rarity
That will help me through
And see that You
Have a plan
That may be hard
Cause alarm
But by far
Is the best for me
Sincerely,
Me

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Two Years

It has been two years.
Two years...
Too long...
You are gone...
But your memory
Lives on
I didn't forget
How could I ever
Forget?
Someone as pure
As honest
As real
As you
And although
You are no longer here
You are still near,
Reminding me
To do good
To do more
To soar
So that maybe
I will see you once again
In that place up high
Where you watch from the sky

L'Zecher Nishmas Shimon Yosef ben Doniel Avraham

Friday, September 13, 2013

We Have Arrived

I can breathe
A sigh of relief
Ten days
Of sitting on the edge of my seat
Would I be beat?
Would I admit defeat?
Would I run out of
Food to eat?
Water to drink?
Would my house burn?
Would I turn
To rubble and ash?
Run out of cash?
Fall to illness?
I would be remiss
If I thought it was because
I was careful
Or possessed super powers
Because there is only One power
Who could allow me
Another breath
An escape from death
All around me
Friends have been falling
Have fallen
To flames and fire
To a journey that goes higher
To suffering
And pain
But somehow I
Have made it to today
And if you are reading this
You have arrived as well
So tonight
Tomorrow
Pray like your life depends on it
Because, dear reader
It most certainly does.

Gmar Chasima Tova.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Prayers

Two days...
Of prayers...
For..
A new year...
But for some...
That new year
Was just too far
To reach
Could another
Prayer
Have tipped the scales
Or was
There never a chance?
But we tried
G-d
We TRIED!
But still...
He died...
The man
Who taught me
What selflessness truly is
Who embodied
What pure chessed
Is all about
G-d
Did you hear us?
Why did you
Take him away?
Couldn't he have had
One more...
Million days?
All those prayers...
I hope
They will give another
A million days...

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Tomorrow

Tomorrow
Everything
Changes
Tomorrow
Nothing
Stays
The same
Tomorrow
I say goodbye
Tomorrow
I say hello
Tomorrow
I don't know
What tomorrow will bring
So for now
I live for today
And tomorrow
Can wait.

Wishing you all a Kesiva V'Chasima Tova...

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Birth

Sometimes
It doesn't pay
To look away
To miss a moment
When G-d is staring you
Straight in the face
In this room
Where miracles
Are born
It's impossible
To deny
That Someone on high
Could bring this to be
And luckily,
He showed it to me
So if there was ever a doubt
It simply flew out
To the wind
To disappear
Into the atmosphere
But in my eyes
It is clear
And it is so precious
So dear
The cheer
Of birth

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Upward or Inward?

Question: Why don't we recite Birchas HaChodesh on the Shabbos before Rosh Hashana? It would seem apparent that before the month that determines our entire year we would be extra vigilant in asking G-d to grant us Bracha, Parnassa...

Answer: Because the month that determines what our entire year looks like is dependent on us and what we choose to make of it. G-d simply makes it happen.

This was the gist of the Drasha my Rav gave this Shabbos and I have to say, it really resonated with me. We tend to get into this mode of putting so much of our hopes and desires into G-d's hands, like we should, but we forget that it is also dependent on ourselves what our life will look like.
G-d can deal us a difficult lot and we can be miserable, or we can think, this is a challenge, a struggle, and it will make me stronger, I just need to learn how to overcome, and overcome with happiness.

So... next week is Rosh Hashana... I am always a nervous wreck at this time. I look back at my whole year and think... Did I really accomplish anything? Am I any different? I start to mentally write down everything I did and look for that glimmer... and then I gulp and begin to sweat nervously when I think... another year is coming... another year of (what I hope will be) growth, expectations, obligations.... 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
It's maddening.
But then I realize. 
It's up to me.
I have made it this far. I can go further.

Kesiva V'Chasima Tova.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Tomorrow

Start again
Start over
Let's pretend
This is the first ever
And never
Have I
Done anything wrong
I never
Went so long
Without
Making a mistake
And if I take
One second to see
That all I can be
Is just around the sunrise
I don't need
The moans and sighs
Of desperation
And repentance
But just in case
I am hoping for acceptance
For my regrets
As I try
To go high
A level beyond
Who I have been
And if I sin
I know
Tomorrow
Will wait for me.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Truth

No surprise
What's the prize
For the time we
Haven't spoken
Unbroken
The months
Create space
Since I've seen your face
But it wasn't so long ago
So close
I wish I could have told you
The truth
It's true
I miss you.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Ships in the Night

Sailing the seas
Smooth water
And cool breeze
Navigation on track
Venturing out
No turning back
Miles of emptiness
No one here
Just me and the vastness
A star to guide
And no where to hide
That's why I
Panicked
When I saw a ship in the night
Passed me by
Its lights shining bright
Horn blaring
Why is scaring
The only way
To send a message
I get that you're the enemy
But some part of me
Doesn't really know
So show
Your true colors
Wave your flag high
And remind me
What it means to be
Ships in the night



Monday, August 12, 2013

Poison

We're pumping you with poison
I know it hurts now
But someday, somehow
You will look back
And thank us for this pain
For all that will remain
Will be the scar of where we injected
I know it's hard to imagine
When everything has been so dark
But there will soon be light
Everything will be
All right
I know you are smiling
For the audience that watches
As you take your last 
Pill of death
And the pain
Takes your breath away
But today is the last today
Today will be the last time
You see this vial
I know it is vile
But you will thank us one day
Some how
Some way
You will be ok
And all the fear
Will go away
One day soon
You will return
To the innocence you are entitled to
But for now
We must inject you
With one last drop of poison.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Close Your Eyes

And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
-Pompeii, Bastille

For those who agree with the school of thought that we have been here before, sent again to rectify a mistake from a former life, I think these words are very important. When we live our lives with our eyes open, never taking a second to close them and look inwardly, we lose sight of the bigger picture. We lose sight of who we are and who we are meant to be because we are so caught up in everything that is going on around us.
Sometimes we have to close our eyes and say, "This is what G-d intends for me. I am fulfilling G-d's will." Even challenging situations present the opportunity for incredible growth... How am I gonna be an optimist about this? How am I going to see the good when I feel like there is none?
So here I am... wondering, wishing and waiting, trying to close my eyes and envision the plan that G-d has for me when really it feels like He is just jerking me around like puppet on a string. Which I am. But every move He has conducted for me is done so with careful thought and diligence. I didn't just happen to end up here. Nothing just happens. G-d made it so. And if He did, the question is, how am I gonna be an optimist about this?

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

New

I just went through some of my posts from the past couple of weeks... and whoa! It seems like I have just been sitting under a rock, moaning and bawling like a baby. And that's not true. There has been one point of contention in my life that has sort of overshadowed a lot of that good that's been going on. And there has been a lot of good.
This summer, compared to others, has been filled with a lot of Simcha and Bracha. I have been having experiences that are new and exciting. I have made new friends, met new people, and seen the world with new eyes.
New.
There is a saying that there is nothing new under the sun, but the sun that shines in my life has revealed a lot of new things. Where I am now is better than where I have been. I feel challenged, but not frustrated. I am being tested, but I am not being bested. Every time I doubt my own abilities, I surprise myself by rising to the occasion and proving myself wrong.
Who I am today is not defined by who I was yesterday and it is no indication of who I will be tomorrow. I can be angry about certain situations that have been thrown against me, or I can just smile and not let them bother me. This is not to say that I am shirking my duties, but I am not being pulled down.
I have been in that place where everything bad just makes me fall in frustration. But no more.
Every morning is a new chance to be better, happier and more fulfilled, and that is where I want to be going.
So I apologize if I have been misleading you with my previous posts. I am actually very happy and very happy learning how to not let things get me down.


Monday, July 22, 2013

Switch

From a friend
To a fraud
I thought you were bringing me closer,
But you were really pulling me away from G-d

I used to look at you
With rose colored glasses
But as I look more closely
I see more clearly as time passes

You were never the good guy
You were devil on my shoulder
And this distance between us now
I hope it keeps growing colder

You think you are going to the right
But that train has left town
And all that it's taken with
Is the people you have brought down

I hope you move on
And move far away
Because I want to look back
And never think about you in the same way

Don't pretend you are so righteous
When you are just being rude
I will applaud goodness
If only you were being good

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Slow

Slow down
Everything is
Spinning around
I feel like I am
On a carousel
No brakes
One speed
Fast
A million bright lights
Noises that I can't process
Everything is just moving
Faster
Faster
Fast
Who ever thought
I would be here
Going there
Or that you
And I
Would be worlds apart
Certainly not I
But if I could fly
I would flap my wings
A thousand miles away
Because the second I slow down
To a stop
That means I have dropped
Dead.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

It's Been Said

It's hard to understand
Why we mourn
Why we cry
Why...
We die.
And then
I see why
I see how a lie
Can spread across cities
Fly through clouds
And somehow cloud
Judgement
And discretion
All of this
False communication
Has broken us
We have lost trust
In each other
Sister, brother
What about
Just a friend
Can't we end
This merciless talk
Can't we just
Shut our mouths
And walk
Instead of watching
As someone we should care about
Falls apart
Because of you
Who broke her heart
A simple sorry
Is a great way to start
But after that
You have an entire world
To reconcile with
Because what you said
Will keep running
Until your dead
And then it will speak
Before the throne
And it will be your words
To own
And regret,
I hope you never forget.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

You, Me

(found this in my drafts...)

This is
Me
Trying to be ok with
You
A different
You
Than the
You
I once knew
It used to be that
We
Could talk
And if
I
Was lost
You would guide
Me
Back to
Me
The
Me
You
Knew
I
Could be
But when
You
Shifted
We
Drifted
And
I
Learned to see
That
I
Wasn't uplifted
By
You
Just enamored
Once
You
Moved in
All the glamour
You
Hid behind
And
Left me
Behind

Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Happiest Sadness or The Saddest Happiness

We laugh
We cry
We try
Try
So hard
To remember
The good times
When the bad
Seems so strong
How long?
Why
Are you gone?
Come back
To happily ever afters
And dream come true
How can we
Live without you?
Such a short time
Such a pathetic rhyme
When I want
To write you
A song
A novel
The encyclopedia
Of everything
I adore
And more
About you
We cannot undo
What is so final and done
But
For everything under the sun
Nothing can shine as bright
As the memory you have left behind
And for all you leave us with
We will pay back in kind
We will continue to shine

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Cold

Life has made you
Dark, cold and sad
I see how
You would rather stand in the rain
Than bask in the glow
Of the sun
And if only one
Could take your hand
Take you away
To somewhere safe
You would go
In a moment
A flash
But one second has passed
And you are still here
Staring at your shadow
Wondering why only darkness
Seems to follow you
When you used to be
So full of promise and hope
And now
You barely know how to cope
With the hand you have been dealt
And every feeling has been felt
You would rather feel nothing
Than the pain that consumes you

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Skin

If you saw the color
Of my skin
You would grin
I am the color of
Love
Radiating laughter
And ever after
Beams from
My fingertips
I've got a better grip
On everything you let go
If only you could know
That my skin says
All the things
My words can't
I am dreaming of
My skin
Showing the world
What it means to be
The rainbow
I will show
My glow
And then you will know
The color of
My skin.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Black, White and Red

It feels like
My world has come
Unhinged
I am coming loose
Splitting seams
And flying paper reams
Cables crossing
A tangled
Mangled
Mess
Trying to understand
Why you have become
So cruel
What rule
Have I broken
When we haven't even spoken
When did I
Become so despised
I mean, honestly
We used to be friends
Or some variation
Of friendship
Until a few months ago
When you
Let go
Disappeared
I've tried not to care
But this feeling has been hanging
Dangling in the air
Above my head
Like a cloud
That won't go away
And in the past few days
Have I seen your true colors
In their shades of grey
No matter how black and white
You try to be
Being frum
Is no excuse for being rude
To me
Them
Or anyone
I will always respect
Someone who wants to grow
Don't you know
I try to do the same
We walk the same road
But maybe it's called another name
So please don't judge
Just because  I sin differently
Because honestly
We all bleed red
We'll end up dead
And I don't want our differences
To dig our graves

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Brother

Brother, where are you
Dear brother, where have you gone
We used to be close
And now you are so far
I don't even know who you are
But brother I saw you
You looked happy
And that hurt
Because we used to be close
You used to know
What it meant
To be a brother to me
To talk to me
When I was in pain
But now
Like then
I remember
That most of that pain
Came from someone
Who I thought
Was my brother.

Everlasting

This is where
Lines cross
Eyes blur
Hearts race
Cannot pace
Time moves
Too fast
Flies past
Cannot grip
I slip
Forget
Regret
And try
To patch together
My own piece of forever
But then I remember
Nothing lasts
Except for
Who I choose to be today
So for that
I hope I don't fade away
But somewhere
Someone is waiting for me to say
That I'll be here to stay
I just hope that day
Comes sooner
Than it seems to be
Or else I might
Lose me
In that mad dash

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Can't

Don't tell me I can't
When you haven't even given me 
A chance to try
My limit is endless
If I will it
I can reach the sky
We let the small things
Hold us back
Logistics and planning
Are just a way
To reach a goal
That maybe needs more
Than reality to fuel it.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Getting Gif-y

At the moment, I have run out of words to really describe what my life has been like lately... luckily, I have some pictures that do a pretty good job :)


These past few weeks have felt like this:


This morning felt like this:

As all my plans keep forming, falling apart and reforming:

To put it simply: 

But then I get a small reminder:













Sigh... Things are super crazy right now. I sort feel like a deflated balloon, just deplete of any energy... like a precariously standing Jenga game, about to tip and break all over the floor...
Shabbos cannot come soon enough.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Words

I wanna try something.

Write me a letter.
Write me a song.
Write me a poem.
Write me anything.
Make it real.
Make it fake. 
Tell me a joke.
Just use your words
(Preferably without profanity or vulgarity.)
Post it in the comments or send me an email: rachellidreyfuss@gmail.com
Whatever you write, I'll write a response to match.
Use your words. Use them wisely.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Eyes

What is it like
Behind those eyes
Those eyes
That wander
Cry
Gaze past me
Through me
Never at me
I wonder
What goes on
Inside your mind
Do you understand
Where you are
Why you are here
What you are doing?
I watch
I stare
I am mesmerized
And confused
I wish I knew
What it's like
Behind those eyes

Monday, June 10, 2013

I Accept

I accept...
That I have flaws
And faults
Too many to list
But I also have talents
So for the sake
Of acceptance
I will try.

I accept
That I am clumsy
Especially in heels.

I accept
That I am ditzy
To the point of seeming totally clueless.

I accept
That I will always be
My harshest critic.

I accept
That I am a writer, designer, editor
Producer and filmmaker.

I accept
That the innocence of children
Inspires me to ensure that it never fades.

I accept
That I would rather play Candy Land
Then pretend I enjoy being an adult.

I accept
That music is my escape
And nothing could fill that void.

I accept
That I have always been open to love
But have let too many strangers in.

I accept
That I feel too much
But sometimes, not enough.

I accept
That I will never truly accept
Everything about myself
But I also accept
That I will always try.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Midnight Snack

So, it is close to that time of year... harried days and nights doing more work than is physically and humanly possible, trying to stay awake into the wee hours of the morning.
Sigh.
I used to thrive on it. It used to make me feel alive. But now... I kinda just want to sleep.
After reading The Frumanista's Post about The Battle of the Bulge and getting more sleep, I am sold. 
During those sleepless hours when I should be sleeping, my body realizes how hungry it is and usually only junk food is readily available. Sorry, but I am not interested in a Summer 17 (pounds). So... here is to getting more sleep, eating less, and still trying to do a great job... Stay tuned for some posts written at an hour that I should never see. Ever.
It does make for good posts though...

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Muscles

I am sure you are now envisioning some muscle headed gym rat bulging in all the wrong places. (And if you weren't before, I bet you are now!) But those are not the kind of muscles I want to talk about. I want to talk about Middos muscles. They get worked out whether we like it or not... sometimes we can choose... and sometimes we just have to swallow our pride and let them be worked.
Let me paint the picture for you.
It's a typical college classroom. Girls are writing notes... some are typing them... and then there is the crew in the back, eating their lunches, running out to use their cel-phones, talking incessantly, and basically just being rude and obnoxious.
Sitting somewhere toward the back is me, typing at my computer, alternating between my notes and checking Facebook. My ADD is severe so this helps.
Now, it is finals week. And suddenly, all those girls in the back who couldn't be bother to take notes because omg, it is just soooo hard, and like omg, i couldn't focus, come to me. They text me. They email me. They ask me for my (almost) meticulous notes. 

1. After I told a girl to remind me to send her notes...
 Hi.
thank you so much.
if you decide that you dont want to give them out. i totally understand!

2. From a girl who missed a class:
Hey Rachelli!
would you mind sending me Mrs. ______ notes from last class?

Thanks a ton and hatzlacha studying!!

3.  Another girl who missed class:
can u email me notes from the last 2 classes?

4. This is from a girl who misses class and doesn't take notes when she is in class:
i know im bugging you but can you email me your notes?

5. From a girl who sits in the back and pretty much is clueless about most things, doesn't take notes even when she is in class: 
Hey Rachelli! Cud u email me ur notes?
Hey! Wen u get a chance wud u b able 2 me ur notes starting after last test?

Sometimes they are nice and write me about a class I missed and if I want their notes...
6. Also I realized you weren't in class last week, if you need the notes from then I'd be happy to send you mine.


My middos muscles are screaming that I should do this, no matter how much it hurts me or irks me. So... I did it once. And then again. And then again. And then... again. A part of me wants to throw my computer at their faces for being so obnoxious. Really? You were in the classes too and you couldn't take your own notes? So now you got to distract me the whole time by talking over the teacher and I struggled to type my notes because I couldn't hear, and now you get a full, free set of notes?
And I am ready to just scream.
On the one hand, it is nice that they thought of me. It may be the only time they do. People only seem to remember me when they want something. And want another thing. And another thing.
And what do I get?
The satisfaction of helping them pass their test at the expense of my time, for having to fulfill their requests?
This is college. I wish they learned by now to take their own notes and not rely on other people.... especially when they are in the class with me and think it is ok to talk just because they aren't taking notes.
But maybe I should just deal... maybe it'll be a zechus? A segula?
Last finals are tomorrow.
Thank goodness.

What would you do in this situation? Would you just tell them it is their fault for not taking notes? Would you send them notes, thus furthering their lack of responsibility?
What do you think?

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Cease Fire

No pun intended (ok, maybe a little...) but I am calling a cease fire. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and views, but my phone is buzzing like crazy.

Keep reading :)

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Waiting Room

Be on time
Not that I have a choice
I'll be there
Sometime between
June and September
If I remember
Then again
How can I forget?
It isn't like
I can just ignore this
Blaring reminder
On my cel-phone
Ringing incessantly
So here I am
You aren't ready for me?
I am just supposed to wait?
Ok...
I'll wait...
Ten more minutes?
Twenty?
A week?
A month?
You must be joking
There are too many magazines
And shiny distractions
I'll just listen
To a shiur
Or some music
While I wait
I
Hate
Waiting
Oh
You are
Almost
Not
Sort of
Ready
For me?
HEY!
Why does she get to go before me?
I was here before him!
Where are your priorities?
Didn't I sign in?
Oh come on.
Not her!
Him?
Really?
This must be a joke!!!
What about me?
Did you...
Forget about me?
I don't want
To wait forever
I hate waiting.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Real Me

I had a revelation today. A lightbulb moment. An epiphany. Whatever you want to call it, I had one. I was role-playing in my counseling class. I had prepared before so it would be as authentic as possible. I was portraying a teenager displaying risky behavior. In order to maintain authenticity, I was channeling a friend of mine who went through the things I discussed with the teacher in the "session." As it pertained to me, it was completely fictional. While this was hard because if it's not real, it is hard to fake a therapy session then. But, somehow I made it work.
My revelation came after the "session" and had no relation whatever to the content of the interaction. It had to do with the situation as a whole.
In acting as someone else, I learned more about myself then, than I have in the past few months.
And I think this quote sums up my revelation: You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. (A.A. Milne)
I haven't really had a problem with public speaking or self-disclosure, but to get up and act, and to act authentically, isn't something I do on a regular basis. It was a side of me that is usually reserved for my bathroom mirror (Oh, don't look at me like that. I know you do it too.)
Something happened in that classroom, something that made me realize that there is more to me than the way I have been.
And to quote... you can either run from it, or... learn from it. (Lion King)

Now the question stands... what do I do?

Monday, May 27, 2013

Freedom

Today feels like freedom
But I see 'em
We stand on the shoulders
Of soldiers
Who shed blood
Who crawled through mud
Saw terror
Murder
And fear
They felt afraid
Our debt was paid
A thousand fold
Who could be so brave
So bold?
I try to imagine
Digging in the desert
Hiding in the heat
Hoping for the end
But never feeling beat
Struggling
Holding on
For so long
Too long
But today
We remember
Forever
And for those who fought
We have freedom
And where would we be
Without them?

As I was displaying my true patriotism yesterday, as most Americans did, by shopping, I thought about my status in this "Golden Medina". As Jews, we have many struggles not having our own homeland: keeping jobs, necessity for internet, secular influences... etc. but at the same time, we are so fortunate. While I identify myself firstly as a Jew, and a proud one at that, I am also an American. I don't know where I would be today if America didn't exist. My great grandparents came from Poland and Lithuania, Pre-War, and without this country, they may not have left Europe before the war. Where would I be without this country? So while we have a lot of "taaynos" against America, we also have a lot to be thankful, especially towards those who fought for us to have what to be thankful for. So whether you identify yourself as a Jewish American or an American Jew, Happy Memorial Day. Hope you get some great sales :)

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Gun Control

Shabbos is always an interesting time for me. Since I am the youngest, and the only one still home, my parents make Shabbos plans for me. (Mostly because during the week I have no time to think about Shabbos plans. I am always shocked when I make it to Friday in one piece and relatively sane). So we tend to go to older couples who my parents are friends with. I go along, keep my mouth shut, and smile politely. But there tends to be a running theme with the Shabbos table conversations: who is dying, died, or is on the way. Divorce. Gun control. Taking care of the older generation. Gun control. Politics. Gun control.
Luckily, this tends to happen towards the end of the meal and my squirming hints to the host that I want to get out of there. Now. Before guns are drawn.
In a way, it's fascinating. And also rather disturbing. This conversation comes up so frequently, I could probably write a paper about the Jewish view towards gun control. And then again, I think about my Shabbos meals in seminary. Even if there were issues being discussed, it was laced together with a Torah perspective. Guns are just a way of life in Eretz Yisroel so no one thinks twice. After the first day, I got so used to seeing guns, I would be concerned if I saw a Chayal without his matching accessory. Now, in America, everyone grabs their pedestal and starts ranting about this thing and that thing when it comes to gun. At the Shabbos table.
I am sort of running out of patience. I get that many people don't get together with friends unless it is on Shabbos, but... doesn't the Shulchan deserve better?
What conversations come up at your Shabbos tables? How do you feel about it?

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Up to the Clouds


As the end of my semester comes to a close, I am starting to feel the pressure. The stress. The anxiety. It’s building up. I am trying to find time to just wind down, space out, and not feel so focused so that I don’t completely lose it. It’s hard to find the balance between totally frying my brain and just relaxing. In seminary we learned that you can’t just “space out”. We were here for a purpose, and tuning out isn’t going to help us accomplish anything. But I digress.

A video recently went viral that has made me rethink my values and goals. If you haven’t seen it, stop reading this and watch:


I first saw Clouds and affect on me. Watching Zach struggle with cancer and still be able to maintain such an uplifting and positive attitude was inspiring. As he says in the video, You don't have to find out you're dying to start living.” Life is  challenging. No one questions that. But to tune out and turn off is simply letting yourself succumb and in succumbing, you won’t succeed. Sometimes we forget how closely those two states are:
Watching this video, I am reminded of my own mortality. Zach knew that he had an expiration date on his. Less than a year or so. Me? It could be today. Tomorrow. (Hopefully, 120) I don’t know. In one of my psychology classes, we were discussing death. I, in all innocence (ok, mischeif), asked, “Why are people afraid to die?” The teacher responded, “In this classroom we could have many different reasons for each person!” I wanted to know what they were. Uncharacteristically of the class, everyone raised their hands to give their answers. Answers varied from “not having enough time,” “having to say goodbye,” “the actual moment,” “not acoomplishing everything I wanted to.”
It was intense and overwhelming. We spend so much time avoiding these kinds of conversations. When I tell people about my career choice, working with children with terminal illnesses, they cringe. Is it because of the sadness of working with a sick child or because they know they have to face their own mortality? I would venture to say it is a bit of both, but I am of the opinion that the work I will do will provide joy into that dark world and brighten an otherwise terrible situation. When you focus on living, REALLY living, death is merely just the next challenge. To quote: “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
Zach embraced this. By writing and singing his songs, he left his legacy for people to learn from. Seforim epitomize this concept. The author may have passed on, but his memory is carried on forever. When we remember him, it is not for the tragedy of his death, but for the legacy of his life.
So the question is, with every challenge we must face, what legacy will you leave behind? How will you be remembered? What sort of life will you live, so that when people think of you, they think of your accomplishments and success?
Hmm..


Monday, May 20, 2013

Running

Running
Legs moving
Heart racing
Breath
Pacing
Chasing
I'd rather be
Spacing out
Or perhaps
Tuning in
Turning away from sin
Racing
To something better
Something that matters
We are running
Running always
After things
And stuff
It's none too tough
Cuz we don't dare get too rough
Keep it simple
Surface
It may be
Shallow
But I can't swallow
I can't even breathe
Cuz I am still
Running.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Pre-Game

He is coming over
It is last minute, I know
But don't stress
Seriously?
I haven't a bloody clue
How to dress
What makes you think
I am trying too hard
Or will
Let down my guard?
These heels are for protection
And I hope you will be
The sole of discretion
And please don't mention
That I put on eyeshadow
Well hello
Not quite what I expected
But don't feel rejected
You still have a chance
So speak your mind
I have yet to find
Sonething to intrigue me
And believe me
I have seen the worst
And best
Chances are
You will fall wayside
To the rest
And you have
Too quiet
Unmotivated
Out of the system
Lucky for me
I saved myself
The pain
Of having to remember your name
This was just the pre-game
And I don't have to bother
Waiting around for the show.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

No Judgments

It is easy to be self-righteous. Should I tell you how? Go look in the mirror. In a few seconds, your brain will start churning and chugging, and you will see a person who is simply DA BOMB. I mean, we think like this all the time. We see other people, and out comes the rulers and scales- I am prettier, taller, smarter, better-looking... and on, and on, and on.
And then we hear about people with disorders, addictions, and problems galore. It is so easy to pass judgment, to raise ourselves up. I am guilty of it. And you probably are too.
As a psych major, I am still adjusting to hearing about people with different disorders. I think How are they like this? JUST SNAP OUT OF IT! And then... I realize we all have a little OCD inside. A little BPD. Maybe a splash of anorexia, bulimia, insomnia, depression... We are not without our flaws. I am not without my flaws. So who am I to judge others?
As of late, I have been stuck in a certain cycle. I know where it started and why it is continuing, but I am having a hard time breaking out of it. I have heard of people who went through this too and I always thought never me. And now it is happening. There are options for me to break this cycle, but as we all know, sometimes it is hard to do that. This "cycle" is dizzying and nauseating, but at the same time, there is a certain thrill to it. A rush. Exhilaration. It is the chase. The race. Fast-paced.
But it is also having a negative effect on me. So it has to stop. I don't know when it will, but I know it must end.
And in case you are worried, there is no drinking, drugs, or other questionable behavior in this picture. This isn't an issue that is exclusive to me-- like I said, many people suffer from it.
Are you trapped in a cycle? Is there something gripping your life, holding it tightly, and not allowing you free?
You are not alone. And neither am I.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

If Only

Here's to days
Like today
Where the possibilities
Are endless
And plentiful
If only
We could seize every second
Hold it in our hands
And memorize
Every detail
Like little kids
Tracing the outlines
Of mommy and daddy's hands
Every dip, and contour
Ingrained deep within
If only
We lived like tomorrow
Was yesterday
And today
Was forever
If only
We forgot
What it felt like
To feel pain
Cuz it's bound to happen
Again
So we might as well
Get back up
If only
We remembered
What love was like
Cuz then we wouldn't be so scared
To try again
If only
Wishes came true
But truth be told
My only wish is you
And your happiness
If only
It was mine too.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Welcome

I've been waiting
I knew you would come
It just took you some time
Too much, I think
But now you are here
At my doorstep
In my kitchen
Dancing through
My dining room
And I,
I dance with you
Finally
We can sing
Our voices united
Our hearts
Undivided
I feel so close
So connected
So...
Unrejected...
Because finally
You are here
And this
Is real
So I'll make you a deal
Because even though
Inside I know
You have to leave
Just as quick as you came
I'll always cherish
Each moment, just the same




Thursday, May 9, 2013

It's Been A While...

Hello again…

You? Really?

It's truly been a while. I've missed you!

I'm sure you have.

Well don't sound so excited… it'll give me an ego!

What do you want?

Let's talk. How have you been?

I dunno. Fine. Great. Whatever.

Wow… Call the presses! That's headline news!

Shut up.

Not when I am on a roll…

I've been… fine. Stuck? Walking through mud? Mud filled with needles. It's hard and it hurts. And you haven't been much of a help.

Well I know. You have been too busy to talk with me. I get that life is busy… but you used to be so good about checking in with me… Filling me in on the details.

The details are hazy. My life feels like I blur. If I have a second to breathe, it's only because I fell asleep.

Must be rough.

Yea.

Well look… sometime big is happening next week. You ready for it?

No. I had a whole plan. A seven week plan… I messed up. I got busy… confused. I met someone. I lost someone. I said things. I didn't say things. I read. I saw. I came… went… I didn't conquer.

Ouch… sounds like a couple of messed up weeks. What happened? I mean.. the ideal you… the good you.. She was great! She was rockin!

And now she just feels like a rock. A big, stinkin boulder that isn't getting anywhere or doing anything.

So what are you going to do? Keep wallowing? Keep sinking? That's not you. You are good-er than that!

Nice Kid President reference. If only I could listen to that on repeat… maybe I'd be good-er. But instead…

You are bad-er. Plain and simple.

Uch. I know.

So..

So.

No solutions? Response? Nothing?

I just want to disappear. Crawl into a dark cave.

Cuz that will certainly give your life some light!

Hmph.

Look. You are an incredible person. You know it. I know it. So why let yourself get any lower?  Lift up your head, see the top of the mountain, and start climbing! So you'll fall. So you'll get a little scraped up… once you reach the top, you'll be glad you did. The view is amazing.

I guess you're right..

It's true. So what are you gonna do?

Guess I better start climbing..

Yep! And when you get up there, tell Him I say hi. He'll be so happy to see you.

Thanks. I'll see you… or not.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Messages

They call it graffiti
I call it art
They call it criminal
I call it heart

Paintings on the side
Of a road to anywhere
Sometimes I wonder
If I will ever get there


Maybe it's vulgar
Or simply profanity
But whoever said
We had to subscribe to vanity?

Make it strong
Make it real
If it's honest
Then the wounds will heal

Messages that show
Promise and hope,
You aren't alone,
The world will help you cope

http://iammorley.squarespace.com/ 
Morley is a Los Angeles-based street artist that specializes in bold, typographic posters which he wheat pastes within the urban landscape. Blending humor, hope and his unique perspective on life, Morley's aim is to act as a friendly voice amongst the cacophony of billboarded messages and corporate slogans

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Purge

I am sure that caught your attention, cuz it sure caught mine. I was watching a video on YouTube the other day, and as YouTube is known to do, an ad began to play. It was a trailer for a movie, which I usually skip but, something about the ominous music and post-apocalyptic text intrigued me, so I watched. And I was rather horrified.
The premise of the movie is that one night a year, America is given the opportunity to perform any of their animalistic, murderous, hate-driven tendencies. In a sense, they can purge themselves of any negative, harmful behavior. If is government sanctioned and therefore, without any repercussions, hence the name of the movie, "The Purge." As if there isn't enough horror in current events, in which people purge themselves of their evil inclinations on a regular basis, now there is a movie where the government sanctions, nay, mandates this kind of behavior. So, as the trailer plays, I, the unsuspecting viewer, witness all sorts of atrocities (murder, thievery, kidnapping.... just to name a few) all contained in the span of a story where its acceptable, in the time frame of a couple of hours. How nice.
And while watching this disgrace of a movie (really, this is the best they can produce?) (Yes, I could have turned it off, but deep down, we all have that painful urge to see something gory... why do you think it is only the horrible news that makes headlines?) Anyhow, while watching this trailer, I thought about how wise the Torah is. Yea, I am sure you can see the connection. (That was sarcasm... unless you can see the connection...)
Anyhow, the Torah was given to us for several reasons, one of those reasons being is that we should learn how to become moral, righteous individuals, holding ourselves to the highest standards. But, we were created with a Yetzer Hara, and that voice in our head can be so loud, so tempting, its hard to ignore. So, within the parameters of the Torah's commandments, there are areas in which we can allow that Yetzer Hara some free reign, while not giving ourselves over to the dark side.
For instance, if a person has a blood-thirsty nature, and murder seems to be the natural route to take, he can became a Shochet and be surrounded by blood and death all day long while still performing G-d's commandments. Done.
Or he can become a Mohel. Yay, more blood.
Another example is the Eishes Yefas To'ar- the female prisoner of war. The Torah recognizes that in the heat of a battle, the captive women look extremely appealing and a man will want her to satisfy his desires. And he can take her. Of course, that is only if he follows the Torah's protocol for doing so.
For a woman, she is inclined to beautify herself... in today's society, this means shorter skirts, tighter tops, more makeup, elaborate hair styles and high heels. In the magazines we see this and think "How untznius!" But, one of my teacher's in seminary, a regal woman who I never thought would say something like this, said, "A woman can dress like that. For sure! But for her husband. And only for him."
Something else I learned, is that for everything negative in the world, there is a positive opposite it. For every Eisav, there is Yaakov. For ever Yetzer Hara, there is a Yetzer Tov.
G-d didn't put us into this world to abstain and become monks. He gave us a world, with so much to offer, and He wants us to partake of it. But, only by His rules. In doing so, we can express our desires while fulfilling G-d's commandments, and in doing so, elevate ourselves into more spiritual beings.
So, while I don't plan on seeing the full-length movie, the trailer certainly taught me something.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Limbo

We met
In limbo
Caught between
Where we came from
And where we are
Supposed to be going
But there is no knowing
When we're gonna get there
Together
Or apart
It's not fair
To play games
Of the heart
No one wins
And everyone loses
Unless
We smash all the pieces
And break the rules
But
No one does
Just cuz
It's not done
And who wants to be
The one
Who does that?

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Burning

Light
There is a light here
Something
Brighter
Than the sun
A burst
I can finally quench
My thirst
My pain
My sweat
It was worth
The hike
The night
I can finally feel
The air
It is clear
I am near
I can breathe again
The summit
Is not the end
But my beginning
I can become
Elevated
I suffocated
But now
The smoke has cleared
And all I see
Is the fire
It is brighter than the sun
It is now burning in me.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Hours

I count my days
In hours passing
Passed
Or yet to pass...
Hours to sleep,
How few they have become
Hours in class
How endless they seem
Hours til my meetings
That sneak up so quickly
Hours, hours, hours
I rack them up
Then watch them fall
Into lines, neat and clean
And so it would seem
That the hours come
The hours go
Until there is nothing more
For me to know
Hours...
Hours...
H...o...u...r...s..

Monday, April 22, 2013

My Baby

Don't take my sunshine away
Why would you
Take my baby
And bury her
Beneath your demands
Your expectations
Well,
I have them too
I have them
Because of you
You showed me kindness
You showed me care
So kill my baby?
You wouldn't dare
You say
She isn't worth the investment
The time or money
Honey
This baby is mine
I would give my last dime
To give her the best chance
Her best shot
At getting another dance
One more spin
One more win
Give up your ego
Take one for the team
How can someone so kind
Become so cruel and mean?
If you pull out
There is no force in the world
That could silence my shout
For a change
To take away what you've done
If you put us down
We will rise again
This will not stand
My baby deserves better
And if you don't let her
Then I guess you win
And my baby has no reason to live
So the blood will be on you
When my baby is gone

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Your Smile

Lately it seems
That something's amiss
No band-aid can fix
And it can't be cured by a kiss

Yet somehow
You are smiling so wide
And really I have to ask
This question: why?

Do you smile
Cuz you feel joy?
Or are you tricking me
Trying to be coy?

Has someone granted you
Your deepest wish
Or are you trying to hide
Your heartbreaking anguish?

Is it real
Or have you fooled us all
If I asked for an answer
Would answer my call?

Just tell me please
Are you really happy like you say
Or are you just trying to cover up
Until the pain goes away?

Friday, April 19, 2013

Bliss

A sweet reminder

Amidst the chaos

A gentle touch to say

That all is not loss

I inhale

Let it consume me

It fills me up

And through darkness, I can see

Every moment of stress

Every frustration just fades away

As every part of me

Melts into this day

I've lost myself

As I try to find who I am

I lose my balance

When I should be learning to stand

Yet despite it all

I know I can come back to this

And for once

I can reside in bliss.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Insanity and Tragedy

As I was typing the title, my blog post immediately changed. Despite its validity, suddenly my pain feels trivial... small... How can I feel so down on my life when true tragedy struck? As a Jew, I am not unaccustomed to terror. It rips through me when I hear about attacks in Israel. It's MY family. It's MY brother/sister/father/mother. It hits my heart. But today, terror hit my home. And it hit even closer, because it was close to something I identify with. There are few and far things in today's society that really speak for the strength of an individual and for a group, for the determination of accomplishment in a purer sense than what people believe is a real goal. A marathon is one of those things that draw people together towards a common goal, whether to reach the finish line or to raise money for a cause. I ran the Miami marathon for Team Lifeline a few years ago, and to say it was the most incredible experience of my life would be an understatement. There is something about a marathon, as physical as it may be, that simply elates me.
And for hundreds today, that elation became destruction. In a moment where personal and collective achievements would have been met, they were introduced to an even fiercer force- evil.
There is no other word for it. It simply was an act of evil. An action so devoid of anything good.  It created a scene of insanity. It brought about the most horrid tragedy.
And so, while I may be feeling upset about certain things, my pain is being put on hold and my heart is going north... I stand with those who were in the marathon. I stand with the runners, the warriors, the fighters....

To those affected by the explosions, I say, “Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.”

Home

I wrote this last year while on a bus to Tel Aviv... as the gorgeous scenery and land passed me, I was just simply overwhelmed... I can't wait to go back home...

Palm trees
Waving at me
In the early
Spring breeze
My heart
Be still
This pounding
Bounding
Burning desire
Inner fire
To go higher
My dream
May seem
Unreal
But I'm home
In the land
Of Israel
And so my heart
Cannot unstart
This expression of affection
And beats louder
Prouder
For home
Milk and honey sweet
Home

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Get Going

Keep it real
Get real
Get going
Grow up
Stop playing
Stop saying.
For G-d's sake
Start praying
Why are you here
Why are you going there
Come back
Go away
Why'd you say
It would stay the same
I call your name
And you don't reply
I know it was a lie
You're gone
I went along
For some reason
Which reason can't know
I still can't explain
Why I ever let you go.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Measure Up

I watched them come

Measuring tapes in hand

Microscopes

And little notes

Trying to determine

The perfect fit

As the rest stood

On pedestals

Of acheivements

And failures

(But we don't mention those)

A showcase

Who would place?

And who would lose

Would they choose

The one on the left

Or the one on the right?

The one with the past

Or the one who got past

Their strict system

But if you missed em

Consider yourself lucky

Until the next round.

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