Friday, July 26, 2013

Close Your Eyes

And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
-Pompeii, Bastille

For those who agree with the school of thought that we have been here before, sent again to rectify a mistake from a former life, I think these words are very important. When we live our lives with our eyes open, never taking a second to close them and look inwardly, we lose sight of the bigger picture. We lose sight of who we are and who we are meant to be because we are so caught up in everything that is going on around us.
Sometimes we have to close our eyes and say, "This is what G-d intends for me. I am fulfilling G-d's will." Even challenging situations present the opportunity for incredible growth... How am I gonna be an optimist about this? How am I going to see the good when I feel like there is none?
So here I am... wondering, wishing and waiting, trying to close my eyes and envision the plan that G-d has for me when really it feels like He is just jerking me around like puppet on a string. Which I am. But every move He has conducted for me is done so with careful thought and diligence. I didn't just happen to end up here. Nothing just happens. G-d made it so. And if He did, the question is, how am I gonna be an optimist about this?

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

New

I just went through some of my posts from the past couple of weeks... and whoa! It seems like I have just been sitting under a rock, moaning and bawling like a baby. And that's not true. There has been one point of contention in my life that has sort of overshadowed a lot of that good that's been going on. And there has been a lot of good.
This summer, compared to others, has been filled with a lot of Simcha and Bracha. I have been having experiences that are new and exciting. I have made new friends, met new people, and seen the world with new eyes.
New.
There is a saying that there is nothing new under the sun, but the sun that shines in my life has revealed a lot of new things. Where I am now is better than where I have been. I feel challenged, but not frustrated. I am being tested, but I am not being bested. Every time I doubt my own abilities, I surprise myself by rising to the occasion and proving myself wrong.
Who I am today is not defined by who I was yesterday and it is no indication of who I will be tomorrow. I can be angry about certain situations that have been thrown against me, or I can just smile and not let them bother me. This is not to say that I am shirking my duties, but I am not being pulled down.
I have been in that place where everything bad just makes me fall in frustration. But no more.
Every morning is a new chance to be better, happier and more fulfilled, and that is where I want to be going.
So I apologize if I have been misleading you with my previous posts. I am actually very happy and very happy learning how to not let things get me down.


Monday, July 22, 2013

Switch

From a friend
To a fraud
I thought you were bringing me closer,
But you were really pulling me away from G-d

I used to look at you
With rose colored glasses
But as I look more closely
I see more clearly as time passes

You were never the good guy
You were devil on my shoulder
And this distance between us now
I hope it keeps growing colder

You think you are going to the right
But that train has left town
And all that it's taken with
Is the people you have brought down

I hope you move on
And move far away
Because I want to look back
And never think about you in the same way

Don't pretend you are so righteous
When you are just being rude
I will applaud goodness
If only you were being good

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Slow

Slow down
Everything is
Spinning around
I feel like I am
On a carousel
No brakes
One speed
Fast
A million bright lights
Noises that I can't process
Everything is just moving
Faster
Faster
Fast
Who ever thought
I would be here
Going there
Or that you
And I
Would be worlds apart
Certainly not I
But if I could fly
I would flap my wings
A thousand miles away
Because the second I slow down
To a stop
That means I have dropped
Dead.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

It's Been Said

It's hard to understand
Why we mourn
Why we cry
Why...
We die.
And then
I see why
I see how a lie
Can spread across cities
Fly through clouds
And somehow cloud
Judgement
And discretion
All of this
False communication
Has broken us
We have lost trust
In each other
Sister, brother
What about
Just a friend
Can't we end
This merciless talk
Can't we just
Shut our mouths
And walk
Instead of watching
As someone we should care about
Falls apart
Because of you
Who broke her heart
A simple sorry
Is a great way to start
But after that
You have an entire world
To reconcile with
Because what you said
Will keep running
Until your dead
And then it will speak
Before the throne
And it will be your words
To own
And regret,
I hope you never forget.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

You, Me

(found this in my drafts...)

This is
Me
Trying to be ok with
You
A different
You
Than the
You
I once knew
It used to be that
We
Could talk
And if
I
Was lost
You would guide
Me
Back to
Me
The
Me
You
Knew
I
Could be
But when
You
Shifted
We
Drifted
And
I
Learned to see
That
I
Wasn't uplifted
By
You
Just enamored
Once
You
Moved in
All the glamour
You
Hid behind
And
Left me
Behind

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