Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Happiest Sadness or The Saddest Happiness

We laugh
We cry
We try
Try
So hard
To remember
The good times
When the bad
Seems so strong
How long?
Why
Are you gone?
Come back
To happily ever afters
And dream come true
How can we
Live without you?
Such a short time
Such a pathetic rhyme
When I want
To write you
A song
A novel
The encyclopedia
Of everything
I adore
And more
About you
We cannot undo
What is so final and done
But
For everything under the sun
Nothing can shine as bright
As the memory you have left behind
And for all you leave us with
We will pay back in kind
We will continue to shine

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Cold

Life has made you
Dark, cold and sad
I see how
You would rather stand in the rain
Than bask in the glow
Of the sun
And if only one
Could take your hand
Take you away
To somewhere safe
You would go
In a moment
A flash
But one second has passed
And you are still here
Staring at your shadow
Wondering why only darkness
Seems to follow you
When you used to be
So full of promise and hope
And now
You barely know how to cope
With the hand you have been dealt
And every feeling has been felt
You would rather feel nothing
Than the pain that consumes you

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Skin

If you saw the color
Of my skin
You would grin
I am the color of
Love
Radiating laughter
And ever after
Beams from
My fingertips
I've got a better grip
On everything you let go
If only you could know
That my skin says
All the things
My words can't
I am dreaming of
My skin
Showing the world
What it means to be
The rainbow
I will show
My glow
And then you will know
The color of
My skin.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Black, White and Red

It feels like
My world has come
Unhinged
I am coming loose
Splitting seams
And flying paper reams
Cables crossing
A tangled
Mangled
Mess
Trying to understand
Why you have become
So cruel
What rule
Have I broken
When we haven't even spoken
When did I
Become so despised
I mean, honestly
We used to be friends
Or some variation
Of friendship
Until a few months ago
When you
Let go
Disappeared
I've tried not to care
But this feeling has been hanging
Dangling in the air
Above my head
Like a cloud
That won't go away
And in the past few days
Have I seen your true colors
In their shades of grey
No matter how black and white
You try to be
Being frum
Is no excuse for being rude
To me
Them
Or anyone
I will always respect
Someone who wants to grow
Don't you know
I try to do the same
We walk the same road
But maybe it's called another name
So please don't judge
Just because  I sin differently
Because honestly
We all bleed red
We'll end up dead
And I don't want our differences
To dig our graves

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Brother

Brother, where are you
Dear brother, where have you gone
We used to be close
And now you are so far
I don't even know who you are
But brother I saw you
You looked happy
And that hurt
Because we used to be close
You used to know
What it meant
To be a brother to me
To talk to me
When I was in pain
But now
Like then
I remember
That most of that pain
Came from someone
Who I thought
Was my brother.

Everlasting

This is where
Lines cross
Eyes blur
Hearts race
Cannot pace
Time moves
Too fast
Flies past
Cannot grip
I slip
Forget
Regret
And try
To patch together
My own piece of forever
But then I remember
Nothing lasts
Except for
Who I choose to be today
So for that
I hope I don't fade away
But somewhere
Someone is waiting for me to say
That I'll be here to stay
I just hope that day
Comes sooner
Than it seems to be
Or else I might
Lose me
In that mad dash

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Can't

Don't tell me I can't
When you haven't even given me 
A chance to try
My limit is endless
If I will it
I can reach the sky
We let the small things
Hold us back
Logistics and planning
Are just a way
To reach a goal
That maybe needs more
Than reality to fuel it.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Getting Gif-y

At the moment, I have run out of words to really describe what my life has been like lately... luckily, I have some pictures that do a pretty good job :)


These past few weeks have felt like this:


This morning felt like this:

As all my plans keep forming, falling apart and reforming:

To put it simply: 

But then I get a small reminder:













Sigh... Things are super crazy right now. I sort feel like a deflated balloon, just deplete of any energy... like a precariously standing Jenga game, about to tip and break all over the floor...
Shabbos cannot come soon enough.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Words

I wanna try something.

Write me a letter.
Write me a song.
Write me a poem.
Write me anything.
Make it real.
Make it fake. 
Tell me a joke.
Just use your words
(Preferably without profanity or vulgarity.)
Post it in the comments or send me an email: rachellidreyfuss@gmail.com
Whatever you write, I'll write a response to match.
Use your words. Use them wisely.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Eyes

What is it like
Behind those eyes
Those eyes
That wander
Cry
Gaze past me
Through me
Never at me
I wonder
What goes on
Inside your mind
Do you understand
Where you are
Why you are here
What you are doing?
I watch
I stare
I am mesmerized
And confused
I wish I knew
What it's like
Behind those eyes

Monday, June 10, 2013

I Accept

I accept...
That I have flaws
And faults
Too many to list
But I also have talents
So for the sake
Of acceptance
I will try.

I accept
That I am clumsy
Especially in heels.

I accept
That I am ditzy
To the point of seeming totally clueless.

I accept
That I will always be
My harshest critic.

I accept
That I am a writer, designer, editor
Producer and filmmaker.

I accept
That the innocence of children
Inspires me to ensure that it never fades.

I accept
That I would rather play Candy Land
Then pretend I enjoy being an adult.

I accept
That music is my escape
And nothing could fill that void.

I accept
That I have always been open to love
But have let too many strangers in.

I accept
That I feel too much
But sometimes, not enough.

I accept
That I will never truly accept
Everything about myself
But I also accept
That I will always try.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Midnight Snack

So, it is close to that time of year... harried days and nights doing more work than is physically and humanly possible, trying to stay awake into the wee hours of the morning.
Sigh.
I used to thrive on it. It used to make me feel alive. But now... I kinda just want to sleep.
After reading The Frumanista's Post about The Battle of the Bulge and getting more sleep, I am sold. 
During those sleepless hours when I should be sleeping, my body realizes how hungry it is and usually only junk food is readily available. Sorry, but I am not interested in a Summer 17 (pounds). So... here is to getting more sleep, eating less, and still trying to do a great job... Stay tuned for some posts written at an hour that I should never see. Ever.
It does make for good posts though...

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Muscles

I am sure you are now envisioning some muscle headed gym rat bulging in all the wrong places. (And if you weren't before, I bet you are now!) But those are not the kind of muscles I want to talk about. I want to talk about Middos muscles. They get worked out whether we like it or not... sometimes we can choose... and sometimes we just have to swallow our pride and let them be worked.
Let me paint the picture for you.
It's a typical college classroom. Girls are writing notes... some are typing them... and then there is the crew in the back, eating their lunches, running out to use their cel-phones, talking incessantly, and basically just being rude and obnoxious.
Sitting somewhere toward the back is me, typing at my computer, alternating between my notes and checking Facebook. My ADD is severe so this helps.
Now, it is finals week. And suddenly, all those girls in the back who couldn't be bother to take notes because omg, it is just soooo hard, and like omg, i couldn't focus, come to me. They text me. They email me. They ask me for my (almost) meticulous notes. 

1. After I told a girl to remind me to send her notes...
 Hi.
thank you so much.
if you decide that you dont want to give them out. i totally understand!

2. From a girl who missed a class:
Hey Rachelli!
would you mind sending me Mrs. ______ notes from last class?

Thanks a ton and hatzlacha studying!!

3.  Another girl who missed class:
can u email me notes from the last 2 classes?

4. This is from a girl who misses class and doesn't take notes when she is in class:
i know im bugging you but can you email me your notes?

5. From a girl who sits in the back and pretty much is clueless about most things, doesn't take notes even when she is in class: 
Hey Rachelli! Cud u email me ur notes?
Hey! Wen u get a chance wud u b able 2 me ur notes starting after last test?

Sometimes they are nice and write me about a class I missed and if I want their notes...
6. Also I realized you weren't in class last week, if you need the notes from then I'd be happy to send you mine.


My middos muscles are screaming that I should do this, no matter how much it hurts me or irks me. So... I did it once. And then again. And then again. And then... again. A part of me wants to throw my computer at their faces for being so obnoxious. Really? You were in the classes too and you couldn't take your own notes? So now you got to distract me the whole time by talking over the teacher and I struggled to type my notes because I couldn't hear, and now you get a full, free set of notes?
And I am ready to just scream.
On the one hand, it is nice that they thought of me. It may be the only time they do. People only seem to remember me when they want something. And want another thing. And another thing.
And what do I get?
The satisfaction of helping them pass their test at the expense of my time, for having to fulfill their requests?
This is college. I wish they learned by now to take their own notes and not rely on other people.... especially when they are in the class with me and think it is ok to talk just because they aren't taking notes.
But maybe I should just deal... maybe it'll be a zechus? A segula?
Last finals are tomorrow.
Thank goodness.

What would you do in this situation? Would you just tell them it is their fault for not taking notes? Would you send them notes, thus furthering their lack of responsibility?
What do you think?

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Cease Fire

No pun intended (ok, maybe a little...) but I am calling a cease fire. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and views, but my phone is buzzing like crazy.

Keep reading :)

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