Sunday, December 10, 2017

I've spoken to professionals before
In high school (some more legitimate than others)
On two separate occasions
Their ability to understand my needs
Was pathetic at best
And I never got the help I needed
So when life finally became too much
And I couldn't find my grounding
I took control to get the help I needed
And I found peace
And then life
Got messed up again
So back I went
For longer than I wanted
Or intended
But this time
It helped more than I could have imagined
I became someone who could make it through each day
Who could think with more clarity
And as life changes
As it is apt to do
I find myself in that place
Of life not going up in flames
But a small flicker
Starting to heat me up
Not sleeping at night
Panicking when I leave my apartment
Did I lock it?
Did I turn off the flame?
Will the whole blast explode by some freak accident?
I can't breathe
I feel unsafe
But my question is
If I believe that G-d will always protect
Is this anxiety an indicator
Of a lack of emuna?
And if so,
What is the solution?

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