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Friday, August 22, 2014

Open Door Policy... Just Please Wipe Your Feet

My doors are wide open
The windows have been unlocked
Come in, stay a while
Have a drink
Or two
I remember you
When you first came around
Hard hitting and hurtful
But now I invite you in again
For a game of chess
Don't mind the mess
I had some visitors the other day
I forgot to put their stuff away
Welcome in
We can hug
Or kiss
Or sit in silence
I am fine with the quiet
Or if you prefer
Let's converse
Discuss
Share what's on your mind
You already know what's on mine
The confusion
And wanderlust
Of where I am
And where I want to be
But here and now
You are sitting beside me
And I think
If I try
I can be ok with that
With just sitting
And looking you in the face
To understand
Your place
In this mixed up head of mine
This state of mind
In this house of glass
That everyone sees inside of
But I just want to see
Inside of me.

Light

I am waking up in darkness
Trying to make sense of chaos
I am writing words
Saying things
I forgot
How to think
To use my head
Making choices
Is a tipping scale
And I've chosen darkness
If I recall the light
I remember
All the happiness I felt
The joy
And bliss
And light
What brilliant
Radiant light
I can remember
I can relive
I can recall
I can
Live,

Breathing Kedusha

I have breathed in Kedusha. I have inhaled the otherworldly air of the Shechina, where the mundane is fleeting and reality is from a higher realm.

I have felt what it's like to look, Panim El Panim, in the face of G-d.

When G-d created us B'Tzelem Elokim, He created human beings with a piece of G-d within them... we posses a piece of G-dliness, so pure and so holy that nothing else can compare... Nishmas Elokim. But, as humans are known to do, we have distorted that purity and sullied it with our own goals and motivations. But G-d created individuals who are free from this plight. Individuals who perhaps do not possess every mental capacity to be in control of their actions, but who possess a soul that is so clean and innocent. 

I cannot full describe what it means to spend seven weeks in  "Heaven on Earth". Coming down from such a high is so achingly painful, my heart is still recovering. When Neshamos connect so deeply and so honestly, anything less than that is difficult to accept. 

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Answers

Sometimes we get answers
To the questions
We were too scared to ask
Life altering conflicts
Are solved with a simple solution
That while is so painlessly presented
Is more painful
Than if we had risked asking

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Sacrifice

They gave blood
Bodies
Bruises
We have been banned
Barred
We struck deals
And lost lives
So why shouldn't I
Make a sacrifice
For the greater good
For the tikkun of this broken world
So here is my heart
I am trying to break the stone
So you can have my flesh
The part of me
That desperately needs G-d in her life
Bit by bit
I will chisel at the rock on my soul
So the dirt will be cleared
And give way for You to complete me

Sacrifice

They gave blood
Bodies
Bruises
We have been banned
Barred
We struck deals
And lost lives
So why shouldn't I
Make a sacrifice
For the greater good
For the tikkun of this broken world
So here is my heart
I am trying to break the stone
So you can have my flesh
The part of me
That desperately needs G-d in her life
Bit by bit
I will chisel at the rock on my soul
So the dirt will be cleared
And give way for You to complete me

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Light Words

Words like light
Visual manifestations
Of what is held my heart
My lips cannot formulate
The thoughts I think
They remain dormant
Until in darkness
They are revealed
Like fireflies
Fleeting past the delighted hands
Of the proud ones
Who hold back tears
Together we sing
The wheels go round
And you have finally
Made a sound
We rejoice at your whispers
Because we hear your heart

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Revenge

Take me
Take my wounded
My shattered bones
And broken spirits
Collect my spilled blood
And fallen tears
Remember me
When night falls
And the rest of the world sleeps
But I lay awake
Awaiting a gunshot
Or siren
Because only you
Are by my side
As the rest of the world
Vilifies me
And turns us into the enemy
But it is the enemy
Who has called for war
And I only seek to protect
And perhaps
Slightly
Seek to avenge
Because when someone hurts my brothers
I cannot remain silent
Their blood calls for battle
And I hear the call.

Friday, July 11, 2014

War

Before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for.


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Next Day

By now my Facebook feed has been flooded with links and posts about the tragic murders of Eyal, Gilad and Naftali. Everyone has an opinion, a point to make, a finger to wave and comment to make. People have expressed anger, grief, sadness, disbelief, shock and most of all, pain. We are clearly a nation struggling to make sense of a senseless act. The way the world views the Jewish people is clearly a twisted view of how people, human beings, should be treated. We are pushed aside, neglected, scorned, vilified... we are a thorn in the side of the world. Tolerated, yes... but accepted? Never. No matter how much we try to fit in, blend in, be a part of the world at large, we will always be the outsiders. And that is the way it should be. Being the "Am Segula" means that we live on a higher realm of existence. It means that when someone tries to tear us down, we become stronger for it. One post I saw that struck me was one that went like this... "if they were murdered soon after being kidnapped, why did we have to go through 18 days of wondering and wishing for their return? Because if it had been an open-shut case of 'boys kidnapped, boys murdered, boys found' then we would not have taken action on our own to beseech the heavens for their return. For 18 days we prayed, took upon kabalos, kept shabbos, lit candles, and all other manners of trying to better ourselves, to show G-d how much we want our brothers back. We needed these 18 days to make a change."
Nothing could have heal the pain we feel for this horrific lost. I can't give a reason or explanation. I can't forgive the animals who did this. I can't calm this storm inside that makes me just want to rip them to pieces. But bloodshed isn't the answer.
Prayer is.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Revenge

You dirty, cruel monsters killed
Not one
Not two
But three
Three of my brothers
You kidnapped their bodies
And then stole their souls
Their blood cries from the earth
And mine burns with fury and pain
6,000 miles away
I surge with a passion
To exact a meticulous, murderous revenge
To raze anyone in my way
Until I can gouge the eyes of those
Who took my brothers
My brothers
Who I prayed for
Longed for
And now,
Have lost
If the world does not respond
With the intensity that is felt by us all
Then let the world burn down
Because a world that can let this go on
Is not a world I want to belong to.
Eyal... Naftali... Gilad...
I never met you
I never knew you
Until a few weeks ago
When your names
Evoked such an ache in my heart
And now
Such a pain in my soul...
I want nothing more
Than to race around the world
Send us all back in time
And change that one step
That brought us to where we are today
Yearning and learning
That G-d
Has a plan
And while it hurts
I must... MUST believe
That it is His will
And for the loss of your souls
I must better myself
I must better my world
I must better the world
So that your deaths
Are not in vain.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Guess Who's Back

Pull it together... you look like a fool out there.
Well, you make me like that.
Puh-lease. You are in control here. You HAVE been in control. But now you are letting yourself get turned upside way too easily. It's not even an effort... I mean, come on.
I got it now. Really. I'll be better.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

We All Feel It

We all feel it
This gaping hole
This widening pit
This endless abyss
Of waiting
Holding our collective breath
Refreshing the news pages
Reciting prayers
In hushed tones with tears
And in screams
Of agony
We all feel
This pain
This frustration and anger
But mostly
We feel hurt
We are hurting
A part of our national body
Has been ripped away
And we are searching for that crucial limb
That life sustaining nerve and artery
Of a people that rely so heavily on each other
We all feel
Like part of ourselves is missing
And we hope
We pray to G-d
That we are reunited soon
Because to feel this loss
Forever
Would be a feeling
We could never forget.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Start Again

The end is the beginning
Where the book closes
Another word is being written
And when you feel like the dust
Has been bitten
And the road falls off the edge
There is always a way
To take a step back
And turn around
The final sound
Is the last exhale
Of life's breath
But the beating
Of a broken heart
Is simply a finish line
That will become a new start
And all the pain
Will be worth a medal one day
With a shiny engraving that reads
"I did not give up"
Even when that last second
Has passed
There is one more moment
To leave it all in the past
And one day
I hope to leave you there
And live a new way
Without thinking about you.

Friday, June 6, 2014

A Few Things

A few things on my mind...

1. Nothing works better to improve my day than a little spa treatment... a manicure goes a long way.

2. Cheesecake is a magical food.

3. Caffeine is best in large doses at frequent intervals.

4. Love is such a loosely used word, I think we have lost sight of what it truly means.
(I love cheesecake. I love you. I love sleep... see what I mean?)

5. Friends are literally make me feel lighter... simply expressing a frustration eases so much anxiety and tension.

6. Helping others means learning to help myself. And that is even harder than going out of my way for someone else.

7. Giving maaser makes me feel rich. I am so fortunate to be in a position to give Tzedakah, and not be the recipient.

8. Passion is powerful. Be careful where you devote your energies.

9. The facets of Torah are endless. I wish I could learn it all.

10. I won't be alone forever. I can't.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

The Issue with Achdus

As of late, and perhaps for many years, I have noticed a problem within our people... a problem of being One People. Over the course of several years, I have been affiliated with several incredible organizations that do amazing work for the Klal. But, the thing is... all of these organizations are mutually exclusive. Each one has their events, fundraisers, concerts, programs and services... They provide different, and the same services to similar clientele. Yet, I have yet to see a poster proclaiming "The Achdus Event!" with all of these organizations in participation. Nope. Never. Instead, when one group gets too close to another, out comes the claws, snide comments, petty remarks and evil eyes. 
I have been the recipient of much of this abuse. I have been persecuted for trying to volunteer for multiple organizations. I have been ridiculed, punished and stepped on. The message seems clear.... "do good.. but only do good for us. No one else."
Is this the kind of chesed we promote? We have become insular and vindictive. And the only people who we hurt are ourselves... and the kind people who simple want to do good for the world, yet suffer because they want to do so much good...
For a people who speak of "Kol Yisroel Areivim Zeh La'Zeh", I think we need to take a closer look at who we look out for.... and maybe expand our arms wider and embrace everyone.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Take me back
To when I was invincible
To when I could protect myself
And the mask I wore
Was not one of fear and doubt
But now
My cape has been clipped
And my identity exposed
My superpower
Is super useless
Because the forces of evil
Now live inside me
And they taunt and torture
With the cruelest of intentions

Blessing

I bless this part of me
This pulsating part of me
That hurts like hell
But reminds me why
I am here
It feels like fire inside
And stings like a thousand swords
But I pause
To bless it
Because without it
I would be
Just another pile of dust
Or a lifeless breath of air
A wave in the wind
Just saying goodbye
And so I 
Say this blessing
Of thanks
And giving
Of this reminder
Why I am living
For all the hills
Hurt
And hate
Will carry me
Like walking on knives
To that relief of happiness
Heartbeats
That feel like a song
Melodious
And magical
I bless myself
For you have blessed me
And I will be a vessel
To carry this goodness
To others
Pass this blessing
To the world...

Street art. Graffiti. Art. Morley. Quote. Urban

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Chain Mail Love

I am afraid
But my face
Is armored
And my heart is
A shield
You can strike me
Like me
Love me
But you won't get past
All these defenses
I have
Because
The last person
I gave my heart to
For safekeeping
He left me longing
Alone
And wondering
What I did wrong...

Thursday, May 22, 2014

I Like to Feel...

I like to feel
A thousand emotions
A pounding storm
A racing heart
A slow trickle
A hard hit
Slow dance
Small secret
Deep wonder
Below
Everything
Is anything
The possibility
Of becoming
A mirror of myself
Or a feeling figure
Contained in this flesh
Bound by skin and sinews
But if you
Cracked my bones
I would not shatter
For the matter
Of dust
Is simply where I came from
And where I will return
.

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