Monday, December 30, 2013

*Melting*

My student, a 4 year old boy, asks to sit on my lap during circle time.

Me to student: Why do you want to sit on my lap?

Student: Because!

Me: Because why?

Student: Because you are the best Morah!

I officially love my job.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Step

I feel like I am in the midst of this grand balancing act, my arms spread as far as I possibly can, praying I don't fall.
On my head there are plates and bowls and shoes and books and hearts piled high. One step wrong and everything falls.
I fall.
I just need to get to the other side.
I need to get through a few more days... weeks... months... and then I can breathe (a bit) easier.
Phone calls... emails... texts... letters...
Money, miles and meetings.
High expectations... high risk factor.
I am not at risk.
But so much is at risk.
One small step...
For me.
One giant leap...
For life.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

War

Don't call it a fight when you know it's a war...

Heroes, warriors
Fighters in the field
But not with guns
Or swords
They are fighting
Themselves
A battle that bravery
Cannot win
And strength cannot overcome
It is a battle
I have seen too many times
Yet, it happens
Again
Again
And again
And those who can end this war
Who have the power
To join and fight
Have settled
For shutting their doors
Closing their hearts
As the innocent fall
They don't give out their weapons
Or make known their solidarity
Instead they sit
High on a hill
Behind closed white doors
While those in white-washed rooms
End their war
With a steady beep
Reminding us one more time
That the battle was lost
And the war rages on.

(It makes me angry. So angry. I didn't know Sam, but by this point, many who didn't know him have become painfully aware of his life... and his death.
Cancer is a battle... a WAR we can win if only those with the power to make a difference will finally get off their lazy, greedy, heartless behinds and DO something about it.
How can children dying not be a wake up call? The drums of war have been sounded... and some people just refuse to hear them...)

In memory of Sam... http://supermansamuel.blogspot.com/

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Mi Adir

There is something
About being here
Watching as this monumental moment
Takes place
Seas were split
Mountains were climbed
And hearts
Were broken
To bring them
To this moment
Where he looks at her
And she, at him
Bracing themselves
For that one foot falling
That shattering of pieces
That signifies
How they will come together
To build a home
Remnant of a time
When we were all one
And now that they are one
The music begins
The laughter is boundless
And tears flow
And something about being here
Watching as this transpires
Brings me a kind of joy
That I cannot fully put to words
But through these ones
I have tried.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Midnight Musings

I am reading into things. I am watching for neon signs, lights burning bright in the night, guiding me. Perhaps this is the one that will guide me home. That person in my path... yes, he must have all the answers.
I have learned to turn away from thieves in the darkness. But finding an honorable man... well, that is harder than that "needle in a haystack" theory. 
Is every sign meant for me? Is every signal meant to turn me? Did I stumble into Oz? Is some crazy misguided brainless scarecrow sending me scurrying in every which direction? Or will the man behind the curtain eventually reveal his truest intentions?
Maybe this rabbit hole I have fallen down, this life that seems to crazy to be real, is just the dose of medicine I need.
I am smiling. I am happy. But at the same time, I am searching. There is mystery to be questioned. There are pebbles to be tossed, to create ripples in the water. But to settle... to feel like I have accomplished... well that would be better than anything.
So... I continue searching. I wander. I try to fulfill the plan intended for me.
I think one day I might be able to accept what has been sent to me. Until then, all I can do is try.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Written in...

It used to be
That your fate was sealed
In black and white
As plain as day
No denying what the written word said
But now... 
Even after the proverbial ink has faded
And memories have whitewashed to
Paleness
Someone
Somewhere
Can drudge up
Your shame
Words
Attached to your name
Though you have repented
Changed your ways
There is no escape
Archives
Endless records
Of every thought
Word
Comes back like a poison arrow
At the heart
Straight for the kill
Maybe
If I stand still
It won't hurt
As much

Monday, December 2, 2013

Letting Go

I release you
To the wind
To the sky
I finally
Will let go
I finally know
Holding on
To this heart
I thought was mine
Has only made me
Hate mine own heart
So I start
A new
By letting go
Of you
The past
Can no longer weigh me down
I no longer
Will be chained by
Someone who I thought
Was so high
But at the end
You were human
Like the rest
And at best
You had flaws
The same as me
So you see
To let go
Means to know
I have flaws of my own
But I no longer
Am trapped by yours
So for that
I let go
And embrace
A new heart
Apart
From yours
I
Finally
Can let go.

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