Rachelli Writes

I've spoken to professionals before

In high school (some more legitimate than others)

On two separate occasions

Their ability to understand my needs

Was pathetic at best

And I never got the help I needed

So when life finally became too much

And I couldn't find my grounding

I took control to get the help I needed

And I found peace

And then life

Got messed up again

So back I went

For longer than I wanted

Or intended

But this time

It helped more than I could have imagined

I became someone who could make it through each day

Who could think with more clarity

And as life changes

As it is apt to do

I find myself in that place

Of life not going up in flames

But a small flicker

Starting to heat me up

Not sleeping at night

Panicking when I leave my apartment

Did I lock it?
Did I turn off the flame?

Will the whole blast explode by some freak accident?

I can't breathe

I feel unsafe

But my question is

If I believe that G-d will always protect

Is this anxiety an indicator

Of a lack of emuna?

And if so,

What is the solution?