Systematic

I should have it figured out by now...
I become friends with someone, generally a few years older than me. We are closer than close at the beginning, shmoozing, calling, hanging out. It's great. Then we both get busy as real life comes around... and then there is the Silent period.
I, being younger, have other obligations. And she, being older, has her obligations. Then, I notice I miss her... we reconnect... but she is tired... it's rushed...
Then, the happy news. Engaged!
I shouldn't be shocked. Deep down, I know it's coming. It's not hard to see a huge train, covered in balloons, coming toward you. It's big, obvious and exciting.
But, I scream, I say Mazel Tov, I stop breathing for a second...
When my first "older friend" got engaged, I literally had a panic attack. I couldn't control my breathing, had to put my head between my knees. It was intense. Then, it became a more regular occurrence. I am still excited, happy for my friends...
As one friend put it, "Happy for her, sad for me." Cuz I am losing a friend. And some would argue, "No, that's not true!" But the friendship certainly isn't the same. I am not upset about it (after a few minutes). I accept it, try to keep up as best as I (and she) can, and carry on.
But then I think about the friendship we had... what more we could have had... and I kick myself each time that I didn't call more, visit more...
It's a system that I have fallen into, it's calculated and repetitious... Yet somehow I haven't quite caught on.

Mazel Tov! I am truly happy for you. I am so happy for the visits I could make, for the phone calls, video chats and jokes. Thanks for being you, funny, kind and sweet. You taught me a lot. Mazel Tov.