Confusion

When all else fails, the yetzer hara will pull out his dirtiest tactic- confusion.

You know Pandora's box? Confusion was in there.. confusion WAS the box... So it makes sense that unleashing it caused a lot of problems.

Why is confusion so bad?

When we know the difference between right and wrong, when it's clear, there is struggle, but it's obvious. Throw confusion in there, then the struggle is blurred and mixed up.

I see that sneaky little hand of confusion come up and suddenly, nothing makes sense.

And if there is anything more torturous... It's confusion.

I hope you find clarity soon, and through that, find your own peace.

Rhapsody

I'm skipping
Tripping
Love this lie
This blissful high
I'd take this dream
Sew its seams
And wear it like a coat
Set it as a sail
And coast on this boat
Neverland is only as far
As you let your imagination take you
I saw clouds that looked like you
They faded into the endless blue
And I forgot that you were once true
So I leapt to the sky
The moon isn't so high
When I know I can always land
Amongst the stars
And make my wishes real
And break this bad deal
I can go back to my dance
And get lost in my own trance
This song sings like forever
And will carry me on to Never

Anger

Below is a poetic description of what happened to me last night... All of the details are true, except for one part. Can you guess?

She steps on the bus

Cursing the world

Words so violent

It caused stomachs to curl

 

Every F-word

And even more in between

The sound of nails and dirt

And more, so obscene

 

Loud and clear

The roar of the insane

A thousand words

Pierced with anger and pain

 

Depression, obsession

"Stop polluting the air

You have a response?

I really have no care"

 

"See this finger

You're not worth my breath

But I'll keep cursing

Until there is none leftt

 

Every year

It's all the same

Kids with no respect

Playing at this game

 

"Just drop me off

I don't want this anymore"

Oops, the bus hit her

And she is dead on the floor.

Be A Man

Sometimes in life, you have to take matters into your own hands. When a situation needs fixing, you have to stand up. Take charge. Be a man where no one else is being on.

(Or woman... depending on your situation).

Sometimes, it means going out of your comfort zone. Making decisions that didn't know, or think you can make.

Sometimes, that is very hard.

But what happens if you don't take control?

Things can fall apart... become a mess.

You need to take control.

And today, I did just that. I saw a situation that needed adjustment. It required peseverance and determination.

Which is why today was a very monumental day.

I took a tool to aid my success and went at it.

Today, I cut my hair.

:)

Invisible

Up in smoke

Remnants still burning

Disappearing in the air

Invisible...

Invisible...

You can see the wisps

Or what was once there

A dream

A wish...

Invisible...

Can I?

Could I?

Should I?

Would I?

Wish.... wish...

To be...

Invisible...

Divisible...

A wish...

A dream...

Good night.

Flame

I see you flickering

Fighting against the darkness

To make your own light

To shine your own beacon

This world keeps trying to blow out

With winds of change

But a flame remains a flame

And while it can share it's light

Once it's out

The flame is gone...

So keep flickering and dancing

And spreading your light

Your pure brightness is enchanting

And your power is enhancing

Because there is strength in numbers

And you, my tine flame, are not alone

For each night you remain strong

And sing your song

After these eight days

You and I will reach

A point of human existance

Beyond normal comprehension

A time in space

That defies all preconcieved notions

A time that has been set in motion

And you, my powerful flame

Will be the light that leads the way

So my flickering flame

Shine on

Until that time

When all darkness is gone.

Awareness

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

 

 

I just thought you should be aware...

Trying Times

Part One

Where is the world going

Where have all the good ones gone

Our collective journey is ending

As the end of time is nearly upon

Today, tomorrow

I do not know, pray tell

Yet this I do know

We are sadly not well

To make a decision

In reverse of what you already said

Are you safe at night

When you sleep in your bed?

What demons haunt you

What mistakes lurk in your dreams

Are you breaking under the pressure

Of self made change-beams

Does anything keep you strong

Or are you broken and weak

You used to sing for the masses

And now you lost your ability to speak

Part Two

Where do we hide

And what do we see

The modern addi(c)tion of society

Has been the detriment of humanity

A family shattered

A life destroyed

For something so fake

That could never fill the void

Yet where is the sustenance

I so desperately need

In this dark times of destruction

Who will plant a seed?

The sun of our nation

Is diminished like the moon

And all we can ask

Is that our redemption comes soon

Read between the web pages

      I am

     unable

         to hold

    myself back

    from

looking at     

these

       things

Ctrl+F

I am lost in this place...

Ctrl + S

Save me... Please...

*Based on a Chinuch class

Change

Change means there is a new person waking up in your bed. And that person is you.

Change means there is a new person staring back at you in the mirror. And that person is you.

Change means there is a new person writing your words. And that person is you.

And isn't it scary when there is a stranger in your bed?

Isn't it scary when you don't recognize the person in the mirror?

Isn't it scary when you don't know where these words came from?

When you change, you can't be comfortable.

When you change, you have to stretch your limits.

When you change, you are not the same.

So if you are not you... then who are you?

G-d's Answers

What are you praying for?

What are you waiting for?

Do you need something different?

Or do you need something more?

You've been asking and hoping

You've been waiting for days

For G-d to grant you some clarity

Through all the muddle and haze

And it seems like there is nothing

There is no hope in sight

You've been trying for so long

And you're ready to give up the fight

It seems like G-d

Has given you a resounding NO

But there is a deeper message

That needs its time to show

G-d will never tell you never

Only that there is something better for you

If you wait sometime

It will be revealed with brilliant truth

G-d will never tell you no

Rather that the time is not ripe

And there is a clock ticking

As your answer comes down a pipe

G-d will never tell you no

The only answer left is YES

But you must realize

That He will only answer for you what is best.

Sunday

It's 6:15 Sunday night... Normally, I would be pajamas, or totally relaxed with no worries or cares... after all, it's Sunday. But in Israel, or at least in Sem life, Sunday is like any other day... in fact, we have more class on Sunday than most days... and it really makes me wonder.

In a lot of areas, the Israeli/Charedi way (depending on how you look at it, no starting arguements here) they really have the right idea. By turning Sunday into a regular day, and not one where one can just "relax", it puts more of a focus on Shabbos. Shabbos, Yom Menucha must epitomize everything that Sunday cannot be. A day of rest and reconnection with Hashem, without the distractions of work, technology and every day life. By not having Sunday to "recharge" Shabbos becomes a focal point for our week... We must put a lot of effort into Shabbos because, without Sunday to "catch up" there must be more put into Shabbos.

I hear the complaints of people who say they miss having Sunday (new Olim, obviously) but it kind of is a good thing. It means that every day must be utilized to its fullest and everything that can be accomplished in each day of Chol, must be done, so when Shabbos comes, it is just us and Hashem.

Sounds like a lot of pressure, but the way the world was created was that each day was filled with work, and on Shabbos we rest, and as Banim L'Hashem we are required to imitate His ways. G-d didn't just chill on Shabbos. One of the fundamentals of the world was created on Sunday!

So bearing that in mind, all the Chutznikim reading this (Ok... me included) take the time to turn Sunday into a greater means to connect to Hashem, thereby encompassing His plan and ideals of creation and this way, when Shabbos comes, there are no worries about "did I get everything done?" because by utilizing each day of the week like Hashem did during the Briah we can come to Shabbos with peace of mind and only connect to Hashem.

Scared

I see the way they look at him. I know what they are thinking. They are uncertain... they are afraid. They are scared. And rightfully so... but it's only because they don't really know what they are looking it

Y is the boy who I spend two hours with every Thursday. He is my chesed kid, and sometimes he can be difficult, but I wouldn't trade my time with him for anything.

Y has Down Syndrome. And because of him, I learned something about myself: Down Syndrome doesn't scare me. I have had plenty of prior interaction with kids with Down Syndrome, but never so consistently, and so intimately. It's just me and him. And I love it. Y is funny, smart and most of all, a really sweet kid. When people hear "Down Sydrome" they think: unintelligent, incapable and slow. And Y is far from it. He speaks two languages, knows his way around his neighborhood, is friends with all sorts of people and enjoys playing tricks on me. It's true- he isn't so fabulous at math (but we are working on it!), he looks different than other boys and his speech isn't so clear. And when someone first looks at him, they may be cautious. The kids in the park stare... he acts different than them. And I am sure there was a time when I was like them... but somehow, I realized that it's only what we don't know that scares us... and these kids, they don't know Y... I hope one day they will.

Yellow Brick Road

Watch your step

You may miss something big

Like a yellow brck road...

 

Where did that come from?

 

Who are these creatures?

And why do I feel pulled

Along this yellow brick road?

 

Where am I going?

 

I will embrace my lack of knowledge

I will confront my fears

Click my heels, I am going home

 

Not yet?

 

Oh.

 

Onward toward that big green palace

Where that man behind the curtain

Has something to tell me

 

What is this?

 

You aren't so far from me

You aren't such a mystery

I don't understand everything

But I do know

That I will click my heels

And come home soon.

Lockdown

It's the third time since Seminary began that we have heard one of the dirtiest words in our newly acquired Israel vocabulary- Lockdown!
 
The first time it happened, it was "exciting". The second time was about a week after the Gilad Shalit-Terrorist trade-- is it any wonder that there was a terrorist running around? According to a report I read, a fair few of the released terrorists returned to their East Jerusalem homes. Comforting, right?
 
So tonight, we went on lockdown. I love the apt description that my Sem-mates use when they call their friends to tell them the news- "There is a terrorist running around!" When they say that, I picture a Grim Reaper-like character, in a black robe, flapping his arms and screaming BOO at every mother and child. If terrorists were like how seminary girls think of them, the IDF would have a good laugh, I'm sure.
 
Now the question comes- what really happens when we go on lockdown? Well first there is a lot of grumbling that we can't leave the building after a long day of classes which is almost nearly as bad as the kitchen saying that they are out of chocolate spread or peanut butter... you can see the difficulty, right? And then, depending on how long lockdown lasts for (thank goodness for the swiftness of the IDF) panic attacks ensue- hurried breathing, sense of clausterphobia, incoherent speech and rapid movement. The thought of a terrorist running around is nearly as bad as the panic attack itself..
 
So the question is... what's actually more frightening... a terrorist on the loose... or a bunch of cabin-fever-Seminary-girls who aren't able to get sushi and iced coffee after clases?
 
I wonder if the IDF could handle the latter...

iShteig

Ok, ok, all the "iBlank" jokes have been used before, but I need to share my own appreciation for the wonderful little gadget called "iPod". I have heard all the arguements, and all the discussions and everyone has an opinion... but do people look at the good?

So today was a lazy day for me. And by lazy, I mean I didn't leave seminary for errands, but I stayed inside to do some work (shock!) and clean my room. So first, I put on my headphones and clicked a playlist... (the playlist was made in response to the bad news I have been hearing lately, and the songs are comforting...) After listening to a few songs, I was "reminded" of my own personal tekufah of struggle. Basically, I needed a quick dose of chizuk. So I scrolled through my iPod to one of my favorite speakers, Rabbi Wallerstein. (www.torahanytime.com). And, really, I am very happy to be able to do that, because I am not sitting in class when I am folding laundry, but does that mean I shouldn't be learning? I shouldn't be getting inspired? (Wow... Seminary has done some quick work on me... maybe this was because of our "Principles of Education" class... our teacher went on and on that in today's age, we don't enable kids to use their knowledge and excitement for learning-- too much vacation... but I digress). Everyone has something to say about the change technology in this world. And don't get me wrong, I know first hand about the pitfalls and struggles, but if a person is careful, wise, and wanting, he (or she) can use technology for benficial purposes. So as I type this, I am listening to a shiur and quite happy about it.

Happy shteiging :)

Only the Gadol Knows

You Zivug hasn't been born yet...

What if you were told at age 30 that your Zivug hasn't been born yet? You would probably feel rather despondent... How would you feel, if two months after being told such, you were engaged? Messes with your head a little bit... Keep reading.

Rav Kanievsky: Your Zivug Hasn't Been Born

(Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011)

A man seeking a shidduch visited HaGaon HaRav Chaim Kanievsky Shlita seeking advice and a bracha, one of the many persons who visit with the Gadol HaDor during the afternoon hours. The man, described to be in his 30s, visited the rav about two months ago, Kikar Shabbat reports. The teary-eyed man explained he cannot find a shidduch, asking Rav Kanievsky for a bracha. The Rav probed the man's details somewhat and reportedly responded "Your zivug hasn't been born, bracha V'Hatzlocha", leaving the man in tears, apparently despondent over hearing the rav's words.

The man recently returned to the rav, this time with a smile on his face, announcing "I am engaged". Those present were somewhat surprised, wondering how he accomplished this in two months after hearing the rav's words. The chosson explained that his bride-to-be is a giyoress who converted a month earlier, explaining the rav's words "your zivug has not been born".

The gadlus of a Gadol is what they know... and what they choose to reveal... Maybe we can take a lesson... And learn to appreciate the humor in life..

Rock Bottom

There is no lower place I know

Than being alone at rock bottom

Because when you are there

The only person who can help you out

Is yourself

And that is the only person
You want to get away from.

The Search

The secret of majesty

Is its power held

In mystery

Elusive separation

Fills us with a

Want

That we seek

To complete

And so we search

Like beggars

For a hint of

The king's treasury

And throughout

The week

We hunt and see

And collect pennies

Along our travels

And with that sum

We can finally come

And reside in the palace

Of the king

And every need

He will fully heed

And fill us with his love

Because we searched

And worked hard to find

And lit a candle in the night

To guide us to

The king's eternal light.

The gifts of the king

He longs to share

And tells us with

A smile and a tear

"For you, my dear one,

I will always care"

And these few words

We hold so close

For when it comes time

For the king to send us

Away from here

To restart our search

And fill our lack

Until the next week

When the king

With joy and song

Will happily

Welcome us back.

(Based on a class on "Kedushas Shabbos")

Stunned and Confused

Like a captive
On the run
"I'm INNOCENT!"
Running... I need to escape
While I still can
Where is my
FREEDOM?
Why am I being chased?
I didn't commit a crime!
I'm not supposed to be serving time!
Get this warden guard away from me!
I didn't do anything, can't you see?
I just want to see the sun
And smell the sky.
Please don't take me back there
Keep your cuffs, and save your blow!
I won't go back there, you can't make me go!
DON'T USE THE STUN GUN!
 
*ZAP*
 
No... no...
I won't do it... you can't make me!
I... won't... do... it...
 
RD 11152011
Imprisoned for: succumbing to sins
 
Let the records show... the warden wins.
 
And in the darkness of this cell
The only thing I truly miss
Is the light
That would end all this.

 

Based on the Nesivos Shalom Yud"Zayin, "Vayehi Ohr"