Dying Stars

"You can be dead inside and still shine, don't believe me? Just ask the stars." (VaZaki Nada)

Keep it together

Don't fall apart

Stay shine

Glow brighter

Don't let anyone know
You are dying inside

That they have taken everything

And left you empty

Wishing to be filled

Wishing to be full

All these lights

Mean nothing

If the darkness grows 

All consuming

Thick

Black

Darkness

But you have to smile

You have to push forward

Until

At the end of the battle

You find

You lost the war

It Comes to This

It comes to this

Time to say

No more

I won't be 

Yours.

You have had me

At the push of a button

But I have had enough

Of being that girl

The one you call

Who always says yes

I can do

Better.

Better than you

Better than being used

So take your girl friday

And find another.

We and I are not an Island

We hear the news

See a tweet

Read a post

Watch a video

Hearts

Breaking

Slowly

But why

He is

A thousand miles away

We never met

We never spoke

Before today

I never knew his name

Yet

Geographical distance

Emotional separation

Never divides

A national connection

A communal responsibility

For him

For his family

His school

His community

So

We are all hurting

My little island

Has become

A state

A country

A world

We are all connected

We have built bridges to one another

We have found a way

To find each other

We

And I

Are not an island

We

Are

Never

Alone.

My Judaism

My Judaism wants to be bright and beautiful; something filled with light and laughter

(My Judaism is tested too often that I feel dark and grey; I have little energy to keep trying)

My Judaism loves to hear the sound of a child singing Anim Zemiros, of little voices saying Shema with eyes covered; of clear and strong children chanting Torah after Rebbe.

(My Judaism has to believe that there are sick children for a reason, a reason too great and terrible for me to understand. My Judaism strives to find meaning in illness and light in dark places. But still, I struggle to understand why families move into the hospital, why poison is pumped like candy, but tastes like death and still, children die.)

My Judaism knows my prince is out there and that G-d will not let me be single forever.

(My Judaism doesn't get how the system we have marries people off when it feels so flawed and broke, but I continue to play into its trite demands.)

My Judaism believes in the power of unity, wishes to find connection where the chain is broken, and hopes to repair the cracks so many fall though.

(My Judaism knows we will all be together one day, happy, healthy and whole)

My Judiasm: Sarah Tuttle Singer

I have been following Sarah's writings for a little while. She is feisty, and fierce. She speaks openly about her opinions, thoughts.... this one spoke to me. I don't neccessarily agree with everything she writes, but her raw honesty is so refreshing in a world where we taboo so much.

My Judaism is a wild dance, red wine on my lips, Uncle Robert on guitar, and AuntCaren on tambourine. My Judaism is my father bellowing the wrong words in Hebrew because he chose our tribe when my mom chose him, and he's still learning, and he will never give up.

(My Judaism is not afraid of failing, because I know I'll get it right some day. )

My Judaism chose not to be a mother at 19, to ask for help where she knew she would find it: And my Judaism is the rabbi who looked into my frightened eyes and said "anything you need."

(My Judaism accepts the past, makes peace with it, and moves ahead.)

My Judaism held my mother in her arms when she took her last breath, in the very bed where she nursed me when I was a baby. My Judaism screamed FUCK CANCER at the top of my lungs, then smashed a mirror, and tore her shirt.

(My Judaism will not say "blessed is the true judge," because cancer is bullshit, and my mom should still be alive. )

My Judaism is latkes and presents and spinning the dreidel, and being tucked safely into bed at night with the doll my parents got me for Hanukkah. My Judaism is guiding my daughter's hand when she lights the candles on Shabbat, it's pouring grape juice in a glass of my son so he can lead kiddush. It's sprinkling salt on challah, and breaking it for the three of us. My Judaism is imagining what's next, and how to make the world a better place.

(My Judaism is, and was, and will be. )

And for now, today, I'll drink more wine, and celebrate this sweet new week.

Alternate Options

He says he is done. No more. He won't do it. The definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." And that's what he thinks is happening here. He is young. He is frustrated. He is trying to make sense of heart ache. His heart has been broken too many times. He has been tortured. Abused. This system chewed him up and spit him out. He is different. Looks different. Believes different. Dresses different. And because of that, now he wants to marry different. Different religion. This one just isn't working for him anymore.
And what can I say.

What can I do?

I am just as burnt out. I am just as angry and frustrated. My heart has been broken too many times to count (if you have been here long enough, you have read about it.)

So how can I tell him, that despite all the heartbreak, the hour-long dates ending in disappointment, the countless resumes that are just so wrong, there is still hope. I still believe. I believe that G-d will not let me remain single forever. Just long enough.

Can I tell him that the waiting sucks but it will be worthwhile? Can I tell him that if he marries someone who is not like him, at the fundamentals of his existence, that THAT will break my heart even more?

What can I tell him?

This Sinking Ship

Save us please

From this sinking ship

It has been raining for days

The earth has been soaked

Drenched

Flooded

The rivers

Have overflowed

There is a rising tide

And no where to hide

The world has wiped us away

And all that remains

Is this ship

Held up only by our faith

Which is being shaken

Hard

There are enemies

So cruel

So evil

Pure

Evil

And they are trying to tear us apart

Shoot holes in our hull

Bring us under the surface

Drown us

They have drowned us

In our tears

In our blood

They won't cease

Until we cease to exist

But You promised

40 days, 40 nights

And the flood would end

But can we last that long?

Give us a sign

Give us something to hold onto

Something to believe in

We believe

That there will be peace

That the world will return
To order and truth

You showed us your promise

Now end the waves of terror

End the floods of incitement and force

Return us to a world

Where your might is the only thing we fear

And Your power

Takes our breath away

A world

Where tears do not soak the earth

Rather they are only shed for happiness

It's Only Tuesday?

This has been the kind of week that makes you want to crawl under the covers, hit the rewind, restart, do-over, undo and escape button all at once.

Too much sad news. So many people getting hurt. So much heartache.

I couldn't sleep Motzei Shabbos. She was in my dreams. She was posing for pictures... if only I could have captured them. Her tznius, her beautiful face... what a special neshama. If only there was more I did or said.

And then the kind of news that makes you shudder and squirm. A classmate and a questionable substance. What was so bad that she thought drugs were the answer? Did she have no one to turn to?

And then... a kid...  I was supposed to meet her. People got busy. And now she is dead.

And to think, almost a year ago, G-d decided this would happen. In a sense, they were dead before they died because it would happen whether they tried to prevent or not, whether they made a different choice or not...

This world. This life. This crazy existences.

Makes you think twice, think long and hard about what you will say to G-d next week. What you will ask of Him.

Summer Heat

I lost my way this summer

I thought I had a plan

It was all mapped out

The way things went about

Like a train wreck

Fueled by rocket fuel

Lit on fire by a volcano

Crashed into by a plane

It was pretty ugly

Pretty awful

It felt like

Every wall was moving in

Every window shut tight

Doors locked

Lights off

Air

Sucked

Out

It was pretty awful

And when I felt like I couldn't breathe

When the room was spinning

And I was sliding into despair

I woke up today

And things

Aren't quite as bad as they were then

The summer

Is just a memory

And tomorrow

Is a mystery

That I am excited to uncover

So...

It was pretty awful

But it wasn't the end

It isn't over

I am not finished

So

Nice try haters

You can try to tie me down

But I'll get out

Get around

Make some noise

Make a sound

And break through my own silence

I keep writing these words hoping one day I'll find the right ones to either bring you back or set me free

...
@Leo_Words

I have been trying to write
To find some way
To express
My anger
Anxiety
Apathy
Ache
Ache
I ache
Trying to write
Something
Some word
To capture
A spectrum of emotions
So wild
And wicked
So instead
I will bottle them up
Shake them
Til they burst
And maybe the words I need
Wi come forth.

Go back

If i could go back

And fix the mistakes I made

the words i said

i never

meant to hurt you

i wanted to be amazing

i wanted to create art

and design

i didn't give you a chance to 

learn the ropes

and develop the feel

instead

i went in for the kill

and now

im at a loss for words

have nothing 

left to say

because no words

no nothing

can fix this

please

i am sorry

forgive me

for

being a psycho

there are no excuses

but it is a nightmare in my head

i wish i had woken up sooner

Journeys (From the Archives)

There are questions

And answers

My view of the skyline

Shows how we have triumphed

And my view from the sky

Shows our scars

The streets tangle into memories

That transverse time

And remind me

Of why the pain felt so good

And the joy felt so strong

It was a searing reminder

Of why life is so wonderful

Even when things go so wrong

The journey led me to strangers

Who eventually became family

When there was no one else

There was always you

And so when I draw my map

All roads will lead me home

Even if I miss the turn

I'll know that my compass points you

And will return me to where I left

And where I have dreamed of coming back to

Nachamu

The conflict of this poem is that I cannot find any peace or comfort in writing it. It feels awkward and uncomfortable. For the first time, I think I will publish an incomplete piece. And find comfort in my own short-comings.
For once.

Nachamu

From where

Will comfort come from

When all of our comforts

Have betrayed us

Batteries dead

Clothing torn

Food spoiled

Jobs lost

Hearts broken

Love lost

Lives take

Can we be comforted

When we feel so uncomfortable

My skin is wrong

I was born in the wrong body

My flesh is a prison

My mind, a locked door

Some imbalance holds they key

But somehow

Somehow

You will comfort me

The world

Has gone a little mad

Stabbings in the street

Distorted perception of love

But somehow

We shall be comforted

All the pain

That

Take Me

Take me

Take all of me

You can have my heart

You can have my soul

Take my sorrow, take my pain

Take my yesterdays and tomorrow

I am a vessel, cracked and chipped

For without being broken

Where would the light shine through

Darkness exists

Simply to be illuminated

So illuminate me

So that I may be a light for others

Mean What You Say, Say What You Mean, Mean What You Feel

It's kind of frightening

To be so honest

To say the rawest of truths

No matter how cruel

Would you rather I sugar coat

And live obliviously

I want to feel like

In every painful moment

So that every moment of joy

Is that much stronger

More to savor

More to enjoy

I didn't expect to feel relieved

But I felt angry

That you had such power over me

To make me feel so inferior

But now

I am superior
And although what we had is lost

And it came at a heavy cost

No longer will I live in a lie

Or cry

Over a boy

Who couldn't bother to say goodbye.

Restart

It still scares me sometimes

How fine I feel

How everything is ok

And I am in a good place

And then

And then

I see your face

I hear your name

My heart stops short

*Press restart*

Start system in safe mode

I thought I felt safe

I thought I felt ok

But then it all comes back

Like a power surge

The years of wanting

And waiting

The crushing disappointment

I never thought I could cry

For something I never had

And never will

Friday Afternoon

On a warm Friday afternoon

Long before the sun has set into a cool night

A group of people come together

And for a time, the world feels so right

There is a guitar or two

And men who feel their souls

They sing, they dance

As if they have clouds inside their soles

There is no weight in their heart

They can just embrace the day of rest

If every prayer could sound like this

Then the world would be so blessed

With every song, a new circle is formed

Their voices grow louder and stronger

For some it feels like eternity

But I wish this could go on longer

For just an hour or so

I feel like G-d is dancing here too

He joins hands with each of us

And shares His joy in all that is try

In a side room somewhere

A small minyan comes together

And although it's just for a Friday evening

I wish it could go on forever.

Disabilities Do Not Have to Disable

You look at me

The label that you see

The words on a paper

That describe 

Everything I am not

I can not

I will not

You have checked a list

For my dysfunctions

And with that

I am put into a class

Of people who are

Unable.

I have a disability

But I am not disabled

Because what that paper does not say

Is that I

Love to sing

And run

And dance

I love to be held

And most of all

I love to be loved

To be treated like any other

Maybe I do not reach the typical milestones

But in my world

The miles are not as painful
Because I enjoy every step

Can the same be said for you?

Silent

I have held my tongue

I have tried to hard

Not to comment

To criticize

My city

Has been in flames

My community

Has been scared

And I

Have been riddled with anxiety

This is not the way

The world should look

Those who aim to protect those

Who aim to riot

Against those

Who protect

Those who riot

And it becomes

A never ending

Circle of

Hatred and destruction

And what do we accomplish?

What do we teach our children?

I believe there are problems

That need solutions

I believe

There are hearts that are aching

Oppressed

Rejected

Abused

And suffering

But what if we

Band of brothers

Decided to be the good

To be the change

The world

Could look so different

But instead

We take to the streets

With rocks and weapons

And loot our own neighbors

And that creates justice?

I am a small voice

And I should say nothing at all

But to be honest

It hurts to see this

It hurts to know that this can happen

And it hurts more to know

There is nothing I can do.

Questionable

I am divergent
I am the anomaly
They tried
Not to answer
I ask questions
That are questionable
There are no sources
For what seduces my mind
And sometimes I find myself
Wondering
If right and wrong
Are so black and white
Cuz I feel so heavy
Hanging near the light
And the darkness is just oh so tempting
Give me a little fun
And no regrets
One and done
That's all it has to be
So follow me
Down this rabbit hole
And see you on the other side
Of wonder

Love

Is love sensible

Practical

Or can it be

Radical

Magical

Can it make a sane mind

Lost to find

If we lose ourselves

Will we find

The other half

This path

To completion

Is riddled with riddles

And jacked up with jokes

I have to laugh

At what has passed

It has taught me more

Than any lesson

Yes

It does not lesson

The need to find

My hearts' mind

Found in the hand

Of another

Yet there is not other

Except you

Too true

I will search

I will find

I will be fine

After the Fire

They are debating your goodness
And questioning your kindness
They wonder about your love
And contest your concern
It was a fire
An inferno of uncontrollable destruction
But your affection
Is boundless as well
It it within our finite minds
That we limit your infinite wisdom
And try to make boundaries
Within which to understand
This tragedy
Because it is a tragedy
It is an awful, horrific
Heart wrenching, mind numbing tragedy
But you
Are the remedy
You give the cure
Before the curse
And we
Your children
Have to simply ask for it
And there it is

Baruch Dayan HaEmes
You are the true judge

Be Strong

I need you to be strong

I need you to realize

You have more power

Within

Despite what you look like

On the outside

I know you have been beaten

And battered

And have taken more abused

But you are still so pure

So strong

Be strong for me

Even when the walls

Crumble around you

Even when the world

Has turned its back on you

Be strong

Be strong

My little soul

Be strong

dance

It's 1 am. i just came back from a friends wedding. i wasnt planning on staying so late... or at all. But then I had a drink... and then another... and then another.. and then i felt happy... and there was music... so i danced... and as i went in circles....around ....around... i thought about how my life... is a series of circles... cycles... patterns.... right... fooot...left..hand... and then i switch it up and repeat. but its the same and then it isnt. i try to make sense,.. but its too loud, too dizzy...

I am at a place in my life where it is a constant struggle between wanting to disappear and wanting to be noticed. 

I love the attention... the thrill of being wanted.... and then all of a sudden, it is all too much. and i just want to get on a plane and fly straight to the mountain side in bat ayin where i realized that G-d is really in this world, the way He can make me feel so small.. and yet so big, so many possibilites, all t once.

and rightg now, the possibilities are swirling like the wind that has been messing up my hairs for the past two days. its relentless and destructive. how do i behave? what choices am i supposed to make? i dont want to lose an opportunity i am meant to have but i dont want to regret the choices i make that sacrafice my happiness. i want to be happy. i want to be fulfilled. i dont know what i want.

perhaps another drink. 

perhaps another dance.

I want to dance. I really want to dance.

How much I want you
Can only be matched
By how petrified I am
That one day you will discover
I have been wearing a mask
Solely because I know
The real me
Was never someone you wanted

Tonight

Close my eyes

Inhale deeply

Tilt back

And swallow

This sweet elixir

A quick fixer

My soul feels warm

My face is bright

On this night

Miracles can happen

Tonight

I will hang my enemy on a tree

And the ten accomplices

Who have torn me down

Will be raised for the world to see

And the runners

Will run

And we will fight

I will fight

On this night

I will no longer be afraid

Only I can

Save (myself)

No one else

Will redeem me

From the King

Only if I choose

To approach

Broken and submissive

Perhaps he will see

What my heart truly desires

What I long for

And wait for

If only

If only

We will rejoice

We will dance

Together in the courtyard

Of the palace

That will soon be built

And then

I will close my eyes

Tilt my head forward

Drink a small lip

He will smash a glass

And all the pain

Will recede to the past

As my soul feels warm

My face is bright

Remain Silent No More

It's a beautiful moment, a celebration worthy of a holiday for the ages. After being threatened with annihilation, the Jewish people have overcome the wicked Haman (BOO!) and defeated their enemies. We are no longer forced to bow to idolatry or fear attack. Mordechai is hailed as the nation's leader and appointed as the King's advisor. Esther is the heroine who risked her life for her people. A woman of valor.

Yet, when we sing about the epic salvation, we forget one thing... we forget one person... and as the story fades into drunken revelry and celebration, I see her standing at a palace window, staring longingly, filled with pain... and painfully alone. Although the Jewish people were able to make a quick separation from their enemies by the swore, Esther was still the Queen, married to the idiot King, the stable boy who never lost that brash and stupid attitude that he grew up with.

Do we think about Esther? Do we remember that while her nation was redeemed, her personal redemption never came? She was never able to support her husband in learning Torah or celebrate in unison the beauty of Jewish marriage.

I don't profess to know all the details of the post-Megilla story, but I can't help but wonder what really happened to Esther when the last decree was finalized and it was official that her people would not be wiped out.

Did she cry? Did she laugh? If she accepted Ratzon Hashem, and never felt cheated out of the life she could have had, what life did she end up having? She wasn't waltzing around naked at parties like the wife before, and how often would Achashverosh call for her attendance at his parties? Did she sit all day and say Tehillem? Did she attend royal meetings and give her opinion on the state of affairs? I wish I could ask Esther how she could remain strong for the years following the Purim story. I feel drawn to a certain poem written by a blogger I always admired (I wonder where he disappeared to...) 

Nisayon

Somehow...
I've always misunderstood...
just what a nisayon is...
where the true..
the true...pinnacle of a spiritual test lie..
but I think I now know...

Its not the climb..
that difficult time...
It's not the test...
that brings out the best..
that makes you sweat...
spiritualphysical sweat..
and it's not the feeling you get..
on your way down..
the subdued elational fall..
It's not the Akeida..
..................after all
we can all have our moments..
when called 
to Action....

It's the letting down your guard..
expecting some kind of reward..
It's the coming home...
from the Akeida..and finding
your wife dead of grief...
It's coming to work the day after..your climb..
and losing your best account..

when self righteous annoyance...
turns into selfless acceptance..
which in turn..
turns into...submissive bliss...

That..I'm afraid...
Is the moment...of Nisayon..

Esther made sacrifice after sacrifice for her people. No one can imagine the nisyonos she struggled with in the face of cruel and ruthless villain. Yet, was that her hardest nisayon? 

יד  כִּי אִם-הַחֲרֵשׁ תַּחֲרִישִׁי, בָּעֵת הַזֹּאת--רֶוַח וְהַצָּלָה יַעֲמוֹד לַיְּהוּדִים מִמָּקוֹם אַחֵר, וְאַתְּ וּבֵית-אָבִיךְ תֹּאבֵדוּ; וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ--אִם-לְעֵת כָּזֹאת, הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכו

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?"

But once we finish reading about Esther in the context of the Megilla, she becomes silent once more, her voice lost as Tanach is sealed for all time. 

Esther... we need your voice once more. We need you to beseech on our behalf once more so we can all be redeemed from the reign of evil and idicoy, so that we can rejoice with Mishta and wine and show G-d that once more, once again, we accept Him, we love Him with every part of our bodies and souls and want nothing more than to sing to Him...

Remain silent no more.

Let's Play

If we play it fair

And how dare

We do anything else

A piece for me

A piece for you

And you

And you

Oh what do I do

When I have no pieces left

I gave them away

Yesterday

Tomorrow

Today

Frivolously sharing

Not caring

That I would have nothing

At day's end

When night descends

And I want to rescind

Every piece I gave away

Only to hear them all say

It was your choice

And what is even more so

You should have known

Better.

Too

There are lies
I can't even tell myself
There are truths
Too awful to hear
There is love
More painful than death
And there is life
Too joyous to contain

Over This

I am so over this
The back and forth
Up and down
Can't decide
Make up my mind
Do I want you to be mine
More than I want to be fine
To be the portrait
Of what is expected
Oh, to be completely
Utterly rejected
A red 'A'
On my shirt
But would that hurt
More than denying the truth
Of what I really want
So we tease
We taunt
We flaunt
And we fake
We almost f...ell
But oh well
Someone had to be the grown up
Own up
To the childish whims
And wicked ways
That had us played
If I laid
To the desires
What liars
We would be
What liars we have become
But it is not the lies that destroy us
It is when we become numb
And can no longer decipher the truth
Within the prize
And so we take
The bad
The ugly
The deplorable
And make it acceptable
If only to feel something
Anything
Other than the crushing reality
That this was a game all along
And we have lost.
Everything.

Joy in Passing

I think it is very appropriate that my grandfather passed away just as the month of Adar began. Although he had been sick for sometime with a variety of ailments, he approached each day with happiness. Whenever I spoke with him, he always said, "hanging in there.. Taking it one day at a time," because everyday is a blessing and he recognized the goodness in each day. It is hard to find a place of understanding between such an incredible loss and the timing of such a loss. As Adar begins we are supposed to increase our simcha. We recognize that, like in Shushan, GD works behind the scenes. His ways are mysterious, but magical and majestic. Every occurrence in life was carefully planned. And so I must analyze the passing of my grandfather with it's time in the Jewish calendar. It isn't random. There was clearly a reason for it and I believe It has to do with The way my grandfather lived his life. He had set a goal around when he started to worsen that he would make it to my cousin's bar mitzva, his oldest grandson. He was determined to be there and he lived everyday with that goal in mind. His perseverance was really a lesson for me. He wanted it. He lived for it. And he lived happily for it. I could hear his smile in the phone when I called. Although he was probably in a lot of pain, he never let It detract from the fact that he was alive, he was living, and that is a beautiful thing.

If there is one thing I can learn from my grandfather's passing coinciding with the onset of the month of Adar, it is that life is meant to be lived with joy, no matter the circumstances or pain.

Baruch Dayan HaEmes.

For the First Time in Forever... and It's Too Good to Be True

He likes me. He really likes me.

But he is several states away.

And several life stages behind.

But for once

FOR ONCE

He isn't a phony

A jerk

A liar

A creep

Or cruel

He actually he cares

He actually wants to try

To make this work

But I know

That with several states between us

And several life stages to catch up on

This isn't going anywhere

Except a straight trip

To the hills of heartache

Where I will roll into

A pit of despair

Until the next one comes along

And the games start again...

Have You Ever...

Looked at your life

And been shocked

By what you saw

The written word

And stone and law

Things you can't change

Choices that have been made

I didn't choose this path

The life chose me

I couldn't be

Anywhere but here

This is what I love

What I hate

But it feels so great

To know

It's mine

I can

Turn the page

Mature with age

Or act my shoe size

My lies

My life

Maybe it's wrong

It feels right

To stay up at night

Talking to you

Dreaming of a tomorrow

That's more colorful

Than yesterday

Let's just get away

And bring this life

With.

50 Shades of Wrong

I haven't read the book. I haven't seen the movie. But, I have read what others who have read the book and seen the movie had to say... and it seems pretty awful.

A controlling, abusive, sexually manipulative lover is not romantic. It's just that. Controlling. Abuse. Manipulation. Those things don't show up in the recipe for love. It's so sad that this is what the world thinks love is about.

When I was in high school (and beyond), the craze was Twilight. I read them all (I'll admit it) I remember that sickly, nauseating feeling of being sucked in (pun intended), thinking that THIS was true love and romance- the way he didn't let her go anywhere without him knowing, the way she was willing to die to live with him forever... and for what? I never saw any indication that he was a worthy partner except for the fact that he sparkled. Get real.

But to be loved... to be adored... to be treated with respect and dignity? That's what a relationship is all about. That's the feeling, the connection we should crave. Not sadistic, masochistic, self indulgent abuse. I won't see the movie. I won't read the book. The world has distorted what love is all about and I won't willingly sacrifice my dreams of a happy and healthy marriage for a bandwagon craze that will destroy the fibers of morality.

From miles away

I feel your hand

On my heart

Holding me

Through the dark times

Dancing with me

Through the light times

And running

Through the difficult times

Hand in hand

The world isn't quite so hard

To face

But it's your face

That I miss so much

And the miles between

Are stretching even further

Every day

That I feel closer to you

Could I go mad

From this space

That you both

Fill and empty

Simultaneously

Reminding me

That I am loved

And that I am alone

Fear

I trust you to do

No harm is all you do to

Me, I'm full of fear

Run

Run to fill hunger

Eat to fuel the run to face

The force that moves me

Word

I want every word

To mean more than one before

My pen is not still 

Why the Haikus?

I have been exploring other patterns of writing that are outside of my norm... haikus are the trend of the week for me.

So bear with me while I go haiku on you

(Gezuntheit)

I need sleep.

My Favorite Flavor of Heart

I seem to have misplaced

My heart

Or perhaps

I was too generous

In how much I gave away

Like my favorite flavor ice cream

I only wanted you to have a taste

But instead I gave you

The entire container

And thank-you-very-much,

I would like it back now

And the spoon as well

Oh, you ate it all?

There is nothing left?

That is how I feel

About my heart

Like I gave too much away

To too many people

And now that I realize

How much I am missing it

It is already being used

By someone else

For selfish purposes

Or even for truly admirable reasons

But I am feeling

Like there is a hole

Where my heart should be

So thank you very much

I'd like it back now.

Please

And a cherry on top

If you would be so kind...

Flicker

I read of light

The lingering promise

That wouldn't fade

Even when everything else

Had been torn away

A little bit of light

Will always shine through the darkness

Like the moon in the sky

Or a candle in a blackout

Darkness

Can be dispelled

In a moment

And you

Were that flame

For me.

Haiku III

There was dusk and dawn
Light fading and flourishing
It is never gone

Haiku II

When I lost my light
I reached for you to show me
The light within me

Haiku

Let me feel it all
Then bottle it up and never
Feel that way again

What Do I Believe?

It is easy to believe

The world has gone insane

The headlines prove it

Another terrorist hit

An illness has struck

We have become stuck

In despair

Because from where

Will salvation come

We look to the mountains

Those massive problems

Catastrophes

And think

There is no way to go on

But every mountain

Has a summit

And if you want it

You can read the top

And see from above

How every road leads home

And every calamity

Has a remedy
But we are still stuck

Climbing

But through this journey

Of darkness

Madness

Insanity

I believe

That we will receive

The redeemer

At the top

We never stopped

Praying

And waiting

For his return

Despite the pain

The destruction

Terror

We will hold on

To what we believe

And what I believe in

A Scattered Heart

There is a piece of me

Scattered in every place

I left a shred of my heart

Where I shared my heart

With strangers

The places

That led me to danger

Because an open heart

Can be a dangerous thing

But with you

Who took without asking

And gave more than I could ever imagine

You showed me

How true love is a priceless thing

And that is it something to share with the world

So across the sea

And up a mountain

I let you have

A part of me

I split my heart

And locked you deep inside

Beneath the layers of questions

And unconditional caring

There you will find

The places

I call home

With the people

I call family.