He says he is done. No more. He won't do it. The definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." And that's what he thinks is happening here. He is young. He is frustrated. He is trying to make sense of heart ache. His heart has been broken too many times. He has been tortured. Abused. This system chewed him up and spit him out. He is different. Looks different. Believes different. Dresses different. And because of that, now he wants to marry different. Different religion. This one just isn't working for him anymore.
And what can I say.
And what can I say.
What can I do?
I am just as burnt out. I am just as angry and frustrated. My heart has been broken too many times to count (if you have been here long enough, you have read about it.)
So how can I tell him, that despite all the heartbreak, the hour-long dates ending in disappointment, the countless resumes that are just so wrong, there is still hope. I still believe. I believe that G-d will not let me remain single forever. Just long enough.
Can I tell him that the waiting sucks but it will be worthwhile? Can I tell him that if he marries someone who is not like him, at the fundamentals of his existence, that THAT will break my heart even more?
What can I tell him?
www.torahanytime.com/video/parashat-lech-lecha-never-despair-how-to-overcome-despondency-3/
ReplyDeleteMany of us has also known despair, physical and emotional. But with hindsight, one can see that giving up is an impossibility. We aren't designed to give up. If my grandparents had given up, they never would have experienced the joy of having their own families post-war. Hundreds would not be here if any one person gave in to despair.
It is devastating what he has gone through. BUT HE IS NOT ALONE. I'm not saying that "He isn't the only one to suffer so he should get over it," I am saying there are others out there who are also in pain, and that he is not alone in his suffering. There are people out there who will understand what he is going through. He may not know them or see them, but they are there.
He should allow himself some time to think, to discover himself, to possibly create his own definition of spirituality. We all relate to Hashem in our own ways. Some prefer fear, some prefer love, some crave connection, some focus on awe.
To opt out completely from everything one knows isn't answer. Defiance is not the same thing as independence; if anything, one is still making choices based on their values, except in this case they are simply pushing away one whole entity.
Or, perhaps, all he needed was a sympathetic ear . . . like yours. Like you say, you are also burnt out. But you still hope. As I do.