Who Feeds Who?

She sits... strapped to her chair,
Cannot move, spastic motions
Behind the quiet, calm eyes
Underneath the near silence
Lies a thinking brain
A beating heart
That loves
And is loved by all...
Spoonful by spoonful
I fed her...
She is older than me
But accepted each bite
And while I was satiating her
She was satiating so much more of me.

It's Here!

Dearest Strangers in Blogger Land,
I present to you the latest, up and coming musician of the Jewish music world: Zevi Kaufman!
http://www.mostlymusic.com/zevi-kaufman.html
I have no words to describe Zevi's music other than, it will change your perspective on Jewish music in a very big way.
So go buy it today!!!

Rachelli

The Wanting Well

The well has run dry
Nothing more to provide
For the thirsting souls
It itself is lacking
Left wanting more
The rain has yet to fall
The sky is clear
But the sun isn't shining
Once the clouds roll in
Streams of satiation will fall
Perhaps after the thunder
All will be well again...

I was formed
Of dust and breath
You blew into me
Upright I stood
To serve and uphold.

Tempted and teased
I partook of the forbidden fruit
Consumed in its flavor
Mortality eluded me
As was once promised.

Banished
I toiled beneath the sun
For a moment's pleasure
I suffer eternally

Zevi Kaufman- First Listen!!

I have about six seconds to post. Here is the link to listen to Zevi's cd!
http://www.thejewishinsights.com/wp/exclusive-listen-zevi-kaufman-music-language-soul/

The second song is my absolute favorite. No joke, I have listened to it over 200 times.

Listen to his words, the melody...

And enjoy...

The Distance

I find myself,

Staring into the distance

Far past the things that are right before me

In order to see beyond and above..

There is a space, between me and the distance

That cannot be bridged

Simply by… waiting and staring…

So I buckle down to begin

This journey was not made for the faint of heart

It means ripping from yourself all the strength and courage

And pressing it into action,

To run with the wind

And race against the tide.

It means taking every ounce of your heart

And giving it over

Completely and totally

In love, and in life.

And the edge of the distance

Drops down into the unknown

Because as far as I can see and predict

There is so much more I will never know

And it grabs me like an iron fist

Choking me into submission

But I will never give in

The desert storm blows through me

Leaving scars of sand

Time may ravage me, or steal what I have to offer

But it can never win, because for one more second

It is mine, to prevail, to control.

I stare… I see… I wonder…

The distance is wide, overwhelming

Vast, and surpasses time… and space.

It is the rising enemy, it is… the attempt.

I step forward… one... small… step…

You May Not Hear It.... But Your Soul Speaks

As a Baby…

Here I am, ripped from my heavenly abode to dwell for an unknown length of time in this base, mundane body… my Father sent me here for a mission, a purpose, to fulfill His will. How I wish I never left… This squirming, helpless body feels so tight. I’m so uncomfortable. How long must I exist in this selfish, taking body? Hashem… I long to serve you…

As a Child…   

It’s been twelve years… My Guf is now obligated to keep all of Torah and Mitzvos. Now her seichel must play it’s role in helping her make the right decisions. Finally, my dream is coming true! Now I will daven to Hashem, learn His Torah and come close to Him!

Oh no… where is she going? What are those images? These sounds? Why is it so dark? I feel so sick… A movie? Hashem… what is this?

As a Teenager…

She’s changing… I feel it. I heard the words of the holy Rabbi, a Guf that totally embodies Ratzon Hashem—his Ohr is brilliant. I feel so warm when he is around. And she has taken to heart his words. I haven’t heard those low, disgusting excuses for music in several weeks. I am soaking in the words of Torah, Hashkafah and Mussar from the Sefarim she has delved so deep into. Hashem, I finally feel close to you again. Yes, it’s like looking through a window… until I return to You, there will always be something blocking me, but at least now I can see You and at times… I can hear You.

As a Young Adult…

No… where is she taking me? What happened to the sweet songs of Torah and Tehillem she used to listen to? What is this noise? Hashem, it huts! With each beat, I feel like I am being beaten. Every song, another bruise… every show, another cut, because those images will leave scars…. Please… make it stop! I can’t bear it anymore! She has completely removed my advocate, The Yetzer Tov. How I long to hear him fighting, coaxing and urging on my behalf. Now I only hear him. The Yetzer Hara. He is so loud, so dominating. Hashem…. Take me back… let me return to you… this pain is unbearable…. And who are these strangers she is spilling her secrets, her feelings and emotions too? They are connected to me and they should not be revealed so lightly! Why is she exposing the depths of herself? They are not worthy! This is not how it’s meant to be…. Oh… this is so painful… Hashem… she doesn’t call to You anymore. Can You even hear me anymore? Have I become so minimized in her life that even You don’t hear my desperate pleas? Can You help me anymore? Am I alone? I feel so cold… I miss the warmth…

As an Adult…

Hashem, I am so joyous! Baruch Shem K’vod Malchuso L’Olam Va’ed! Mazel Tov! Finally, I have found my partner in this world. I feel so safe now. This glowing Chupahis a canopy of Your love for us. She looks so beautiful… Her Chosson is such an upstanding Ehrliche Yid. Those dark months are behind us and now we can move forward living a life of Torah, together with him… and together with You…

Little Kid

I remember there was this little kid I used to hang out with. She loved to run around in circles, dance in the sun and fly in the wind. Life was her stage and she starred as the lead role. Costumes were in abundance... stage makeup colored her every movement. She was a pretty cool kid...

She loved making trouble. If there was something mischievous afoot, she was usually the one behind it. Pulling pranks was her specialty. I would join her in her games and laugh with her as she made others wonder in curiosity about her "abnormal" ways. She didn't care if they whispered. She was going to live her own life, regardless of the pointing fingers and hushed tones.

We hung out a lot, way back in the day. I remember feeling so safe around her, despite her youthful tendencies. She was someone I was happy to be with. And then, one day she was gone.

I looked for her a few times. I went back to the places we had spent time together. The park, the sidewalks, the ice cream store and the old drug store. But she wasn't there... and soon, I didn't have time to look for her.

I had too much to do to look for a flighty little kid. She wasn't reliable, she was a risk because she wasn't someone I could trust.

I let her fade away... she became just a faint memory...

Then one day, when I grew up, I realized how much I missed that little kid and I wanted her back in my life... but by that time she was gone... We had gone too far from each other. I lost myself.

And I lost that little girl.

I lost me.

It's All About the Little Things

I just got a phone call. The phone call was about a video project I have been in the midst of working on. The call was about some changes that need to be made. I have been working on this project since September and it should have been done since...well, September, but due to technical errors and lack of time it took much longer.
This phone call was about some necessary changes. Little ones. Nothing major that we can do without but all the same, nice to have...
And it made me think...
When we are taking on a kaballah, we often want to start with something BIG, COLOSSAL and MONUMENTAL. Something that will make people stop and say, "Wow... what gadlus!" And for ourselves, we want the rights to say, "Look how far I came..."
And sometimes that works...
Most often, it doesn't.
We take on something so huge that we aren't prepared for the ramifications it will have on us and how hard it will be...
So instead...
We take on little things.
I believe it was R' Shach (and I could be wrong) but he once took a kaballah: To read Bircas Hamazon from a Bentcher, looking inside the whole time. Most people consider that such a trivial thing... but then, when we really thing about the essence of Bircas Hamazon, he really took on a tremendous thing! But, it was small enough that he could be consistent in it... and that's why he was R' Shach...
So, yea, sometimes the small changes seem insignificant and tedious, but they create a more beautiful, better creation... whether it be a video... or you.

I'm...

Not quite sure...

Why I am here...

Hello... have we met before?

You seem... rather familiar...

Your face reminds me of another life...

Did I know you from the garden?

Or perhaps we met... behind the iron fences,

Buried beneath piles of...

Burning...

Flesh...

Is that where I know you from?

Or from that heavenly abode

Where we sat in peace... and tranquility

Seated at the feet, and throne

Of glory and magnificence...

Have we met before?

Your eyes..

They have looked through me before...

Or perhaps...

You just seem to know me...

Better than I

Know myself...

But if we have met before...

I am not the same person I was...

Can we start over?

Music: Language of My Soul (Zevi Kaufman)

Music takes on a whole new meaning when Zevi is singing. His melodies and words are uplifting and inspiring unlike anything I have ever heard. I have personally heard Zevi's songs (pre release) and they literally put me in another world. His CD is coming soon, but the link below is to a review on MostlyMusic about his upcoming album. It's worth reading, and his CD is well worth waiting for... Keep an eye out for it-- It will change the way you feel about yourself, Hashem, and music, forever.

http://www.mostlymusic.com/blog/ZeviKaufman/

Someone, Somewhere

Someone, somewhere
Just heard a bolt of thunder
And felt a sickening crunch
Their heart leaped
Then fell
Into the endless, fathomless abyss...

Someone, somewhere
Just had everything they loved
Ripped apart viciously
Like a pack of rabid wolves
Going in for the kill
Without mercy

Someone, somewhere
Just walked into the darkness
Without a guiding light
Or a hand to hold
No one to hold them close
Or keep them safe.

Someone, somewhere
Just lost everything...

And only now, can they begin to seek...

I am standing on the edge
Ready to leap forward
Lean over
Let myself be enveloped
In the warmth
The ice cold
The chaos and mayhem
I see it lurking at the surface
It longs to burst forth
I reach for it
Just a touch away
So close
I smell it
I breathe it
I crave it
I want to be there
Beneath the glittering moon
Beyond the reality of where I am
Past the depths
There is a light
So small
It is shimmering
It is waiting
And I am too.

Hope

I dream of touching your stones

The yellowing rock that has held within it

Years of history

Million of whispered prayers

Billions of tears

Shed in joy

Sadness

Uncertainty

And hope.

I long to caress the crevices

That are filled to the brim

With folded notes

That request

Divine inspiration

Sustenance 

Healing

And hope.

I envision myself

Only inches from burying my face

In your enormous bricks

That for thousand of years

Have promised courage

Protection

Redemption

And hope.

I pray that one day

I will be next to your wall

Pouring out my soul

To your listening pores and cracks

As you soak in every tear of mine

And you comfort me with the reassurance

Of eternity

Forever

And hope.

Trust and Release

How fun it is to realize,
To grow and learn
That life is a never ending process
Of bridges to set fire and burn.

Finding someone to trust
Is like a needle in a haystack
Impossible to come across
Leaving a never ending lack

The moment I released
What was weighing down my heart
You moved on
To a new life apart

I don't want to rely on others
For this simple reason alone
Because sooner or later
You can only make it on your own...

Flowers, Reflections and Double Lives

I wanna believe you are true
Like a flower to the sun
I turned to you
Somehow you were like
A breath of fresh air
But maybe it's because
You never were really there
Just a fleeting image
That flitted through my mind
And a concrete idea of you
Is getting harder and harder to find
You are who you seem to be
But if that were the case
Then am I really me?
Or just a reflection of who I am around you
The person I want you to see?
Yea, that person isn't me.
Double lives
Two sides to the coin
When will the different aspects of me
Become coherent and join
To create one united entity
When will all the parts of my life
Come together and create me,
Whoever that may be....