Thursday, October 1, 2009

For One More Day

Today was one of those days. You know the ones that you wish just never happened. It wasn't like some catastrophic event occurred. It was just a bad day. The whole day I felt like crying... it's probably from the lack of sleep. I am the type of person that needs to be in bed by 10 o' clock to be considered a functioning member of society. But since school started I haven't been able to fulfill that self-made obligation. So I try for 11... which turns in 11:30.... and maybe by 11:45 I'm asleep, out cold for the night.
Waking up is just a disaster. We learned in school at the beginning of the year that when we go to sleep our Neshama sits in Shamayim, going over what when during the day. It is so close to Hashem. But when its time to wake up, the neshama fights! It doesn't want to go back to earth! I commented, "is that why it's so hard to wake up?" I mean, it makes sense. I feel so stuck, so trapped right now. Is it just the pains of being a teenager? Or is it something deeper... more spiritual related? I don't really know, but it would be nice to have a more substantial explanation for my continuous bad moods.
Anyhoo, my day went on, class to class. I was freezing for most of the day (another attribution to my bad mood) Then it was announced over the loudspeakers that Chesed heads were chosen. I had signed up and eagerly wanted to see if I was picked. To my surprise, I was! I am now a committee head for Chesed! Even better, I am head for something I wanted. But even more surprising is that I am heads with my really good friend! So that was exciting, albeit a bit distressing in some ways, but thats a whole other matziv.
First period after lunch was rather annoying. I was told I couldnt be writing in class. Excuse me?? I was sitting quietly (unlike my classmates) yet i got reprimanded! That was another reason for my bad mood. Second period was ok. Third period was a disaster. I went to the office twice (from the bottom floor to the top floor) to get a booklet they didnt even have. Then, when i was supposed to be prepping for PSATS, i fell asleep on my desk. Out cold. I miserably left that class, regretting my behavior for the whole year. I like my math teacher, but after Succos I am getting a new teacher. Oh hum.
During break, I went to daven mincha with the full intention of just pouring out my heart, when i took three steps back, i looked down at the window i was davening in front of me (which is probably why i shouldnt daven in front of a window anymore, note for the future) and saw a dead bird! Not just a mush of brown that could have been passed off for a pile of dirt, but a colorful DEAD bird. That really just threw off my kavanna so I quickly finished davening so i wouldnt have to look. I was really uspet about that.
So I came home and here I am now with some resolutions for Succos and on. MORE SLEEP! MORE SMILES! AND MORE MILES!
Chag Sameach!

(a poem for your reading pleasure!)
Promises

Promises whistle through the wind,
Floating through the trees,
Common as the air we breathe.
“I’ll be on time.”
“We’ll hang out.”
“I won’t forget.”
Yet, somehow, these promises,
Become polluted, painful.
They poison, pierce,
They vaporize,
As quickly as they came,
And suddenly,
Don’t exist.
“Tomorrow.”
“Soon.”
“I’ll call.”
I try so hard,
To catch the promises,
That flutter by.
They breeze through my hair,
They brush across my face,
And tease, so devilishly.
So perhaps, they are meant to pass me by.
Perhaps promises are not meant to last.
Maybe they should fly,
Because if they stand rigid,
They only remind me,
Of what you said you promised me.

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