My mother called me the other night... and usually if nothing is going on, I go into guilt mode.
"I didn't do it!" I cried when I answered the phone, rehashing my day, making sure I didn't do anything wrong. (Usually when I call it goes like this. My mother: "What did you do?" "How much will it cost me?" Or me "I didn't do it!" "I am so sorry!" Like the time I called about my 300 dollar phone bill... yea... anyhow...)
"Oh, but you will!" my mother replied. I was confounded.
My mother proceeded to tell me that because of her fortitude and the like, she was able to help me get credits for my year in Israel through a program, which I previously was not a part of. Her timing was also impeccable: for the next two weeks, I will be taking midterms... And before, I was going to do my best but not make myself crazy because I wouldn't be receiving credits, but now, it's worth a lot more. I wasn't too upset- I have been spending a lot of time studying, if only to fulfill the nachas factor. But now, it counts. My grades could make or break how much time I spend in college, and even though I was all prepared for a four year Undergrad program, I am kind of excited that I may be able to finish earlier.
But then, it struck me as ironic... These classes always counted. Maybe not for college credit, but for my own knowledge and gain, for my parents to be proud, and for other various reasons (you can fill in the blank). Yet, now... it'll only really became apparent.
And sometimes, (wait for it...) we go through life... we have our tests... we may or may not pass... but do we really think about the credit we are going to gain? Midterms in the physical world, are like nisyonos in the spiritual world. There is studying, preparation, effort and time involved... and then the moment of truth- did I pass or not? Did I get the points or the credits I need?
Will I be able to come to college with a paper saying I earned X amount of credits? Or Y which is less?
Will I be able to come to G-d after 120 years saying I earned this and this place in Shamayim... or even more frightening, in Gehinnom? (Because we all go there at some point... It's not a bad thing! It's cleansing we all need- not punishment!) Will I be able to say, "Hey G-d, I worked hard, and I passed this test you gave me... now it's time for me to get the reward for it." Or worse... "I failed."
So... in the physical world, things are starting to matter... My grades can make or break my future plans... but in the spiritual world, they always mattered... how long does it take a person to figure it out? And when they do, will their efforts matter or will it be too late?
Think about it...