Monday, September 19, 2011

Inner Fireworks

There is a lot riding on this moment. Did you know? This second has the potential for greatness... or for failure. There is so much invested into this second-- love, emotion, money, hope... So are you going to let it fall? Or are you going to utilize this moment?
Modeh Ani Lifanecha Melech Chai V'kayam She'hechazarta Bi Nishmasi... I am thankful to you Hashem for giving me my neshama back each morning, jam packed with hundreds of moments, fireworks of potential, just waiting to burst forth! And as the day goes on, they start to lose their power, they grow dim and fizzle out... and then, at night, we go to sleep, close our eyes and G-d recharges us, hoping we will awake in the morning and explode with good things from the incredible fire He has ignited within us.
It's a troubling thought... it can be the reason why we feel so motivated when we are inspired... but then fall flat when we don't act on inspiration. it's difficult to grasp and to put into reality because unless we use each moment, it dies.
This year, my year, my chance to be selfish, my year to just think about me... there is a lot of pressure riding on it. Will I waste my moments here in the holiest land, $20,000 and my own expectations? Will the hopes of my teachers, friends, family and myself die out simply beacuse I didn't stoke the fire and keep it burning strong? It's only slightly frightening...
I have been here for less than two weeks. In that time, I have been to the Kotel four times and each time I feel renewed (and drained from the buses). I have witnessed sights that have tickled my thoughts and pulled at my heart... But can each adventure and each day keep me going with enough sparks, to create fireworks within myself? To keep burning strong? Here's to finding out....

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