Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Tug of War

When you consciously choose to fight yourself, there is this fleeting sense of victory. Like when you outsmart yourself, then of course you have won! Or so it seems.  In truth, when fighting yourself, trying to prove the victor, you only end up tearing yourself down. And when that happens, no one wins.
It becomes an inner tug of war. The side of you that wants to do what's right is pulling and pulling and in fact, that side of the line is such a pleasant place to be. It's light, happy and sometimes, if you listen closely, there is music playing. But the other side... oh how tempting it is to not fight it, to just let yourself be pulled into the darkness, the clutching fingers that hold tight. In that place, you can see the light. It's within reach. But slowly, almost in an unnoticeable way, you are being pulled away from it. It's like falling into a pit, slo-mo... Both sides in their own way look appealing, and the pull towards the dark side of the line is so intriguing, mysterious.... so why not let yourself be pulled there?
It would be so easy to let go. It would so easy to not try.
It would be so easy to go off the deep end. It would be so easy to not care.
But is easy what's best?
Do we get any pleasure from things that are easy? Does a marathon runner have an iota of accomplishment if he doesn't put in the effort to train? To push himself?
Does a teacher enjoy teaching if there aren't difficult questions to answer? Does a mother feel proud of her daily doings if there isn't some struggle? Perfecting the recipe everyone loves?
No one likes pain. No one likes to exert themself more than they have to. But the reward, the inner feelings of pride and joy are so much more worthwhile when they are worked for... an extra drop of sweat... extra time thinking... testing and trying...
Life is about pulling. It's about pushing. It's about testing self limitations and pushing them as far as you can in order to achieve self accomplishment.. for the right reasons.
So you are pulling on a rope. Both sides want you.
What are you going to fight for?

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