The Place Where My Heart Stand Stills

Here I stand

At the place where my heart stops beating

I catch my breath for a moment

And feel the rush of the wind

The shining sun.

For a moment

Peace reigns

In heaven on earth.

Safety surrounds

There is no bad here

Bliss, joy, protection

And love.

It is here

That my heart stand stills.

I think of you

Those who make my heart melt

And give me the strength to keep going

When I can't

You're courage

Is empowering.


I dream of you
Your paved roads
And radiant smiles.
There is something safe in knowing
That you are able to smile
When all the odds are against you
And that makes me realize
That things aren't so bad.


And when I am feeling down
Needed a boost to go forth
I'll think of you
And how you're thinking of this same place
And then everything will somehow be ok

Wake Up Call

What a way to start a morning
Just as I am getting out of bed
To hear some awful news
Come striking at my head

Not everyday can be like one in Wonderland
Where everything is safe and sound
And there isn't any sadness
In the air, none to be found

Real life comes hitting heavy
Not leaving a second to inhale
You don't get a chance to breathe
Or risk stopping and falling to fail

So I woke up this morning
Ready to start my day on the right side
And now I would like nothing more
Than to go back to sleep and hide...

Hashem, You run this world with such precision it's impossible to see the wonders of what You do... but some small understanding of why these things happen would be appreciated. I don't question You. You know everything that I don't... I just want to know why..

Camp Simcha Girls- March of Hope

Camp Simcha does it again...

Unbelievable

So it's been a while... a lot has happened since my last post... but I wanted to share something short and sweet with you.

I am in Camp Simcha right now (my second home). Today I spent some time with my rotating camper in the art room. I was a bit tired and overwhelmed but it was rather therapeutic sitting with her... She's sorta incredible. She was very involved in making a necklace-- blue beaded pattern. It was very elegant and suited her well.
But her creativity isn't what's so amazing about her... what's so amazing is that she is so creative... and she's blind.
And with incredible patience, she strung her beads, five seed beads, a light blue bead, five seed beads, a light blue bead, five seed beads, a blue glass bead, five seed beads.... for an hour she was at it... and let me say it again-- she's blind...

What's more amazing than that...

Rachelli Round Up

So it's been a bit...
Where am I now...

Life is pretty crazy...

You think you are doing ok... everything is fine... you're smiling...

Then... worlds crumble... and you want it all to end...

But somehow, that ray of sunshine bursts forth... and you move on...

A few bleeding, burned, and bruised body parts, extreme lack of sleep, uber amounts of food... adorable kids, tons of dancing....

It's magic

Back to WONDERLAND!

I can't sit.
I can't breathe.
I AM SO EXCITED!
Not sure if this means a blogging hiatus but I AM OFF TO WONDERLAND! So I might or might not be blogging but you can still read about all the action here @ www.campsimcha.org/blog
And be sure to check out the video from New York and spread it!


Muchos ahava,
RD

It's A Mime's World

Sitting on the edge
Just a stranger staring in
Am I in this world
To succumb or to win?

My world painted
In black and white
No colors to shine
No expressions to delight

Just an observer
Watching the crowd pass by
No one bothers to notice
Acknowledge or say hi

So relentlessly I try
To make my presence known
With a show, so distinct
And all my own

Hands held in front
Submission, I portray
Perhaps surrendering
To take away the gray

Around and around
I pull myself in this slow dance
With slow movements
I feel stuck in this sick trance

I stand before the audience
Who don't notice or see
Am I really so invisible?
Am I really stuck in this reality?

I try
In my own silent way
To prove my existence
But no one notices, to my dismay

I pucker my lips
And cross my arms
Sit down and pout
But can't raise the alarms

Just silence, silence
Sweet silence, precious quiet
While inside burns
A raging riot

But ne'er shall I speak
The thoughts on my mind
They are things that people
Would rather not find

The twisting maze
With no way out
The screaming voices
With no way to silence their shouts

The grabbing hands
That reached for what isn't there
An answer to a question
So simple and clear

Black and white.
Separate and distinct
But in my world
Nothing is that concrete

It's all confusion
All a mess
And still I try
To do my very best

Why Are You Throwing Yourself Down a Staircase?

Over at Inspirational Information, Devorah wrote this post about not giving up when mitzvos are in front of you. Though you may have missed one, it doesn't mean you have to continue missing them.
At a school Shabbaton, speaker Chevi Garfinkel, took what I think to be a different approach on this theme. She explained that when you are caught in a sin, whether it be stealing chocolate from the pantry or engaging in something more sinister, and you think you can't break out of it, you can! Simply continuing those sinful, harmful and painful acts is like throwing yourself down a staircase!
Ok, I get it.
You try it once, and dive down a flight of stairs. Wow! That was fun! Only a few bruises and broken finger. let's try it again!
Not!
That's just ridiculous! If a friend told you she was doing that, you would think she is crazy! Yet... maybe you do that sorta of thing --throwing yourself down staircases-- in your own life, in the figurative sense... giving into human desires, succumbing to the Yetzer Hara and just following his twisted will again and again and again... and you know it's wrong but you keep giving in.
If you have been following my posts entitled Conversation 1, 2, and 3, you can see my struggle, albeit in a vague way. If you haven't picked up on it yet, that's my inner conversation with the Yetzer Hara (Evil Inclination). Lately, I have felt like I have been throwing myself down a staircase. I just thought, "Hey, why not?" and kept doing it.  Not smart. Though it wasn't real, I was still in pain. And now I am trying to mend my broken body... well, my soul. I did some damage but I am going to fix it.
So now, look at yourself... have you been throwing yourself down a staircase? Now is the time to pick yourself up and resolve to climb those steps instead of crashing down them. I wish you all the best. I'll see you at the top soon...

Thoughts from a Theme Park

Oh my goodness... Was it really necessary to drive the three hours to get here? I'm sure the kids could have had a good time sitting at home with paper and crayons coloring without all the hassles of loading the car, packing food, diapers, entertainment, Tatty's sefarim so he isn't bittul torah... etcetera... the list goes on and on. And anyhow, I am expecting! Standing in the heat, yelling at the kids to not run off cannot be good for me... and I am SO hungry. Yitz said we would go the kosher stand but I am so not in the mood for overpriced greasy chicken nuggets. Yitz doesn't care. Deep fried and meat are two of his favorite food groups. Oh well. Maybe they have a salad or something.
Oh look! Tehilla loves the merry-go-round. And aw, Dovi is being such a good big brother holding on to her. I must snap a picture of this for Bubby and Zeidy. They rarely get to see the kids so they love when we send them pictures. 
Uch, Rivky is crying again. It's too loud for her here. Maybe if I take her on the lazy river she'll calm down a bit. Ok, I'll tell Yitz.


Aaaah, this is so peaceful! And Rivky is so calm! Yitz was such a mensch to take the other kids to the spinning rides. Those ones always made me nauseous. But this one is so pleasant. Hehe, Rivky loves looking in the water to find fish. Maybe I'll get her one as a present for being so well-behaved. Over already? All right... dinner time.


Yum... the stench of deepfried cheap meat. At least Yitz is enjoying himself... even if he isn't poring over his sefer. And Dovi and Tehilla are loving the finger food. Rivky is totally wiped in her stroller...


Well, I won't lie. Today was a tough day. We almost didn't come but I am glad we did. One day, down the road, my kids are gonna look back and remember and cherish this day... I am glad I can give them such experiences.... even if theme parks make me nauseous.

Conversation 3

So, we meet again.
Yea, you can do a victory dance if you want.
Hardly. I think you should be doing one. That must have been a hard decision.
It was... but I wasn't doing so well before.
True... but you wanted to change. And you did. I am proud.
But you scored points!
I did... but you are gonna win, I know it.
Why do you have so much faith in me?
Because... you have faith in yourself... you need to see that.
Thanks for believing in me... I'm having a hard time doing that...
You'll see. You'll be ok.