K, so today was just a really long day... trying to make it through another one... pushing myself to make it through is SO hard... I smiled in at all the right times, said all the right things, made plans for my nights yet... i still feel so empty, so listless and so lifeless, like what's the point?I try to pick up as much as i can from my classes, but how can it really make an impact on me? I play the part so well, and its so hard!My really good friends are a grade older, and are going to be leaving after this year, so i want to spend as much time with them as i can... but they have their friends, their plans and their lives... so i just sorta hang on the side... and my friends in my grade... well, i can barely stand most of my grade. they are so superficial, so immature, and turn everything into such a big deal....Ok... so i got home... didnt help... some issues....Anyhoo, here's a lil poem that expresses a lot of what i feel right now...The Play
I’m standing behind the curtain,
It pulls apart for scene one,
Watch the stage closely,
The acting has just begun.
Smiles shine so brightly,
So blinding, they can’t be real,
You only see my costume,
You can’t even imagine how I feel.
I was born the play this part,
To pretend this is how it should be,
You think this is the truth?
You don’t even know the real me.
Hidden beneath layers of makeup,
I can put on quite a show,
I stand beneath a glare of hot lights,
Trying to embrace their harsh glow.
They only burn me,
The audiences eyes do the same,
They scrutinize me carefully,
Attempting to guess at my game.
Perhaps if you watch close enough,
You can see me where I make a mistake,
Maybe you’ll see me forget my lines,
Watch closely, I just may break.
I am an actress,
On the largest stage around
I’ve practiced this so carefully,
I know I’ve got it down.
Yet somehow every moment,
Leaves me gasping for air,
I pretend I'm not scared,
And perform each line with flair.
The curtain closes gracefully,
Act one has come to an end,
Hold on tight dear ones,
Come join for the next act around the bend,
The parts have been misplaced
The stage explodes with chaos
I try to keep my composure
No matter what the cost
Suddenly the sets are crumbling
All the props break apart
My beautiful production
Has become my shattered heart
There is nothing left
But a bare and empty stage
My well performed play
Has now become my prison cage.
