Your Smile

Lately it seems
That something's amiss
No band-aid can fix
And it can't be cured by a kiss

Yet somehow
You are smiling so wide
And really I have to ask
This question: why?

Do you smile
Cuz you feel joy?
Or are you tricking me
Trying to be coy?

Has someone granted you
Your deepest wish
Or are you trying to hide
Your heartbreaking anguish?

Is it real
Or have you fooled us all
If I asked for an answer
Would answer my call?

Just tell me please
Are you really happy like you say
Or are you just trying to cover up
Until the pain goes away?

Bliss

A sweet reminder

Amidst the chaos

A gentle touch to say

That all is not loss

I inhale

Let it consume me

It fills me up

And through darkness, I can see

Every moment of stress

Every frustration just fades away

As every part of me

Melts into this day

I've lost myself

As I try to find who I am

I lose my balance

When I should be learning to stand

Yet despite it all

I know I can come back to this

And for once

I can reside in bliss.

Insanity and Tragedy

As I was typing the title, my blog post immediately changed. Despite its validity, suddenly my pain feels trivial... small... How can I feel so down on my life when true tragedy struck? As a Jew, I am not unaccustomed to terror. It rips through me when I hear about attacks in Israel. It's MY family. It's MY brother/sister/father/mother. It hits my heart. But today, terror hit my home. And it hit even closer, because it was close to something I identify with. There are few and far things in today's society that really speak for the strength of an individual and for a group, for the determination of accomplishment in a purer sense than what people believe is a real goal. A marathon is one of those things that draw people together towards a common goal, whether to reach the finish line or to raise money for a cause. I ran the Miami marathon for Team Lifeline a few years ago, and to say it was the most incredible experience of my life would be an understatement. There is something about a marathon, as physical as it may be, that simply elates me.
And for hundreds today, that elation became destruction. In a moment where personal and collective achievements would have been met, they were introduced to an even fiercer force- evil.
There is no other word for it. It simply was an act of evil. An action so devoid of anything good.  It created a scene of insanity. It brought about the most horrid tragedy.
And so, while I may be feeling upset about certain things, my pain is being put on hold and my heart is going north... I stand with those who were in the marathon. I stand with the runners, the warriors, the fighters....

To those affected by the explosions, I say, “Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.”

Home

I wrote this last year while on a bus to Tel Aviv... as the gorgeous scenery and land passed me, I was just simply overwhelmed... I can't wait to go back home...

Palm trees

Waving at me

In the early

Spring breeze

My heart

Be still

This pounding

Bounding

Burning desire

Inner fire

To go higher

My dream

May seem

Unreal

But I'm home

In the land

Of Israel

And so my heart

Cannot unstart

This expression of affection

And beats louder

Prouder

For home

Milk and honey sweet

Home

Get Going

Keep it real

Get real

Get going

Grow up

Stop playing

Stop saying.

For G-d's sake

Start praying

Why are you here

Why are you going there

Come back

Go away

Why'd you say

It would stay the same

I call your name

And you don't reply

I know it was a lie

You're gone

I went along

For some reason

Which reason can't know

I still can't explain

Why I ever let you go.

Measure Up

I watched them come

Measuring tapes in hand

Microscopes

And little notes

Trying to determine

The perfect fit

As the rest stood

On pedestals

Of acheivements

And failures

(But we don't mention those)

A showcase

Who would place?

And who would lose

Would they choose

The one on the left

Or the one on the right?

The one with the past

Or the one who got past

Their strict system

But if you missed em

Consider yourself lucky

Until the next round.

Write

Hundreds of blank pages. Fresh pens. Now... What to write?
My brain is just exploding... Thoughts, emotions, ideas, but somehow, there might as well be an ocean between my brain and hand. For all of my attempts, I still have nothing to show. I want write something that would cause someone to think... To question... To wonder... To dream. But I feel stuck. The thought of sitting and writing intimidates me.
I found a quote that aptly describes what I am experiencing...

"Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead."

Better keep some band aids handy... This could get messy...

Diving

The water below

Swirls into a whirlpool

Chaos and confusion

How could I possibly dive

And still come out alive

I've always wanted to try

Spread my arms out wide

And leap into the madness

Make sense of mystery

And piece together history

But am I prepared

For the next step

Into the future

Where everything is muddled

I am truly troubled

By that which I don't know

But today

I have to show myself

I can be free

Be brave

And dive into the sea

So I jump

Soar

And fall

Diving into the cool rushing waters

I will not falter

Rain

Sometimes I wonder about the raindrops
Why they fall so fast and hard
What is the rush?
What's their hurry?
No matter their speed
The world ends up wet
Slick and slippery
Everything becomes a challenge in the rain
Everything becomes a pain
Rainboots, raincoat, and umbrellas
What a hassle
And when it's raining
Sometimes we forget
That after rain
After a thunderstorm
The world starts to shine
It's revived
It comes alive
So instead of staying inside
When the sky turns grey
Why don't we run outside
Why don't we get a little wet
After all
A little water never hurt anyone.

Computer

Technology's finest
The crowning glory
But let me tell you a story:
Girl buys computer
Computer works and then dies
Girl needs to buy new computer
Girl cries.
For being a time saving device
You could have given me some advice
That for however much I spend
That's how much I'll depend
On your functionality
And if I get back to reality
I will see all the mistakes I made with you
But what can I do?
Off to B&H Superstore
So after spending once
I can spend some more

Truism

Feathers

Pajamas hidden
Under colored skirts
(I wonder which
Is more offensive...)
Cuz the bird who tries
To fly the coop
The one who defies
Is not wont to return.
The murder of
Black feathered ravens
Don't look lightly
At the bird
Who doesn't fulfill
"Birds of a feather
Flock together"
Who is this stranger
Bringing us danger
Unwanted attention
That begs for intervention
But this little birdie
Sings.a different tune
To us, it sounds
Rather off-tune
And clearly she is off her rocker
So we better knock her
Or else

Rare

There is you

There is me

There is 7 billions others

One in a thousand

One in a hundred

One in ten

One in one

You

Me

Individuals

Unique

Rare

You are not like the rest

You are the best

You are you

What more can you do

Than to improve upon you

And stop trying to be someone else

After all

There is no one like you

So why try to be like another?

Chance

What's in a name

That would make us think

That would give us this day

To dance, eat and drink?

What time of celebration

Would force us to recall

When a vicious tyrant

Would rise and then fall?

Was it really all just chance

The luck of the draw

Like who gets the short one

When we pick straws?

It couldn't be the case

Because the odds were never in our favor

But a deeper look at near-destruction

And we see how we could never waver.

And what about now

When times are so precarious

Can we simply just laugh

And think it all so hilarious

It certainly isn't random

There is a divine plan, you see

And that plan guides us now

To an infinite victory.

Bonkers

I suppose I should be thrilled

Utterly overjoyed

Because this means

That I am one step closer

But I am just getting morose-r

Still trying to find

My own kind of crazy

The bonkers that's best for me

Whoever that may be

The one with muchness

Or maybe just madness

That will create blissfulness

Or even happiness

It may be a dream

But I am not sleeping

And even though I have yet to remember

From the first time

I'd happily fall down this hole again

If only to know

Where I'll end up in the end.

Take Me Away

Take me away

Take me back to the day

When it didn't matter

What I wore

Or what was the score

We were winners

And losers all the same

No one was a player

Even if it was all just a game

Somehow we didn't care

If we were here or there

Cuz anywhere

Was where we were meant to be

We could sing

We could dance

We could enchant and entrance

There were no masks

We didn't have to be asked twice

To be anything but ourselves

It was easy to roll and rumble

In dirt and glitter, we would tumble

The world was our playground

Spinning us around and around

These days, it's all lies and pretend

And I wonder

When will it all end?

Party

Invitation sealed and sent
Preparations barely made a dent
In being prepared for this
The crowd pulsates
The bodies reverberate
Free flowing alcohol
Taking its toll
On the victims it drinks under the table
Cuz none of us have ever been able
To outdrink that glass
And so we pass
Like shooting stars in the night
Without will to fight
Surrendered to the monster
Who brought us here
To be slaughtered
For the next meal
That he plans to serve
Unless one can rise
She, who defies
Can returns us to our homes
Before the clock strikes twelve
And we turn into the selves
We never wanted to be
But now we can see
Hope was never lost
No matter the cost
We have risen again
To rewrite the end
That was sealed in blood
But we broke through
We returned to you
We chose to remain true

Alternate

Sometimes I wonder if we are all strangers, inhabitants of our own realities that surround us, and occasionally interact with the islands if others.

I can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone.

And then I am sitting in class, and I am convinced of this. Are my questions really so off base? Do I really not make sense? Can I really not understand how people can behave the way they do? Are we complicated beings? Or just confused?

My language is the same as yours but my meaning and definitions seem to come from another planet.

The hour is late, the caffeine is great and I hear a spaceship calling my name.

Farewell.

Superbowl: Follow Up Post

After my angry rant from yesterday, my faith has been restored. Sheppin nachas at the "hometown team" for displaying an unbelievable devotion to what's TRULY important. This makes me proud to be a Jew.

http://matzav.com/baltimore-wins-900-fathers-and-sons-make-kiddush-hashem-on-superbowl-night

Superbowl

I see no reason to celebrate in the victory, or madness of the Sueprbowl. Does that make me a bad person?

Or does it mean that I realize there are more important things to celebrate than a bunch of brawny guys falling on top of each other as they try to get a dumb ball across a field?

I don't mean to be a party pooper, but honestly, why is it in any business of anyone what color I wear on game day? You are entitled to your opinions about the (idiocy of the) game, but I will not fall into the trap of considering these men idols or heroes. Let them use their strength to rebuild broken homes. Let them use their wealth for those less fortunate.

I understand the merit of an outlet to relax and wind down, but the level to which we worship these men just nauseates me.

This is my rant. You can hate it all you want (or agree) but that's what I have to say.