Take me Home

I ache for you

My heart shudders with desire

To be home

To walk the stone streets

To breathe the holy air

I want to lay eyes upon

The faces that color the streets

Of the past, present and future

I want to return to the city
Where my heart felt alive

My spirit danced

My soul was on fire

There was something in the sky

In the dirt

Between the walls

I was free

I want to feel free

I want to feel limitless

I want to be home

Where my heart is

Shavuos Musings

If I am a Sefer Torah

This life is the mountain

If I am to be received

I must be readied

If I must climb a mountain

The journey should be decorated and beautiful

If there is a storm of lightning and thunder

I must be prepared to dance in the rain

If I am more precious than any imagined treasure

I must take great care to protect myself

If I am kept safe in the holy of holies

I must be as pure as gold and just as bright

If I am a Sefer Torah

G-d is waiting to give my testament to the world

Dreams

Sometimes I am scared to wake up. Sometimes my dreams feel so real, so much better than my reality. In my sleep, I feel happy and safe. I know it isn't real. I know it's just that- a dream. But aren't dreams something hold on to? To believe in? Or are those only aspirations that we create and not the products of the unconscious mind...

Is it so bad to feel so happy in those dreams? Sometimes I just want to stay asleep so I can be in that happy place.

What is the purpose of a dream? Is it a foreteller of what's to come? Is it a tease of what we want the most? Does it have some deeper, abstract meaning? 

I just want that feeling during the day. To feel safe. To feel loved. To feel adored. Why is that so hard?

I tried to find that in someone who wasn't right for me. I projected everything I wanted to feel but ultimately felt nothing. I couldn't create feelings that wouldn't come. I couldn't pretend. 

But in my dreams, it's just want I want. It's what I dream for when I am awake. I don't know how to make it happen. I am asleep and unconscious but that is when I feel most alive.

Little Light

Let's look up and wonder

Marvel in the darkness

Caught in a storm of lightning bug thunder

Grab some jars

We're off to chase our dreams

But instead we found these flickering stars

Hold onto them tight

They are trying to hide their light

And make us feel blind in the night

Caught one, maybe two

But the journey wasn't about filling up bottles

It was about being here with you