*Melting*

My student, a 4 year old boy, asks to sit on my lap during circle time.

Me to student: Why do you want to sit on my lap?

Student: Because!

Me: Because why?

Student: Because you are the best Morah!

I officially love my job.

Step

I feel like I am in the midst of this grand balancing act, my arms spread as far as I possibly can, praying I don't fall.

On my head there are plates and bowls and shoes and books and hearts piled high. One step wrong and everything falls.
I fall.

I just need to get to the other side.
I need to get through a few more days... weeks... months... and then I can breathe (a bit) easier.

Phone calls... emails... texts... letters...

Money, miles and meetings.

High expectations... high risk factor.

I am not at risk.

But so much is at risk.

One small step...

For me.

One giant leap...

For life.

War

Don't call it a fight when you know it's a war...

Heroes, warriors

Fighters in the field

But not with guns

Or swords

They are fighting

Themselves

A battle that bravery

Cannot win

And strength cannot overcome

It is a battle

I have seen too many times

Yet, it happens

Again

Again

And again

And those who can end this war

Who have the power

To join and fight

Have settled

For shutting their doors

Closing their hearts

As the innocent fall

They don't give out their weapons

Or make known their solidarity

Instead they sit

High on a hill

Behind closed white doors

While those in white-washed rooms

End their war

With a steady beep

Reminding us one more time

That the battle was lost

And the war rages on.

(It makes me angry. So angry. I didn't know Sam, but by this point, many who didn't know him have become painfully aware of his life... and his death.

Cancer is a battle... a WAR we can win if only those with the power to make a difference will finally get off their lazy, greedy, heartless behinds and DO something about it.

How can children dying not be a wake up call? The drums of war have been sounded... and some people just refuse to hear them...)

In memory of Sam... http://supermansamuel.blogspot.com/) 

Mi Adir

There is something

About being here

Watching as this monumental moment

Takes place

Seas were split

Mountains were climbed

And hearts

Were broken

To bring them

To this moment

Where he looks at her

And she, at him

Bracing themselves

For that one foot falling

That shattering of pieces

That signifies

How they will come together

To build a home

Remnant of a time

When we were all one

And now that they are one

The music begins

The laughter is boundless

And tears flow

And something about being here

Watching as this transpires

Brings me a kind of joy

That I cannot fully put to words

But through these ones

I have tried.

Midnight Musings

I am reading into things. I am watching for neon signs, lights burning bright in the night, guiding me. Perhaps this is the one that will guide me home. That person in my path... yes, he must have all the answers.

I have learned to turn away from thieves in the darkness. But finding an honorable man... well, that is harder than that "needle in a haystack" theory. 

Is every sign meant for me? Is every signal meant to turn me? Did I stumble into Oz? Is some crazy misguided brainless scarecrow sending me scurrying in every which direction? Or will the man behind the curtain eventually reveal his truest intentions?

Maybe this rabbit hole I have fallen down, this life that seems to crazy to be real, is just the dose of medicine I need.

I am smiling. I am happy. But at the same time, I am searching. There is mystery to be questioned. There are pebbles to be tossed, to create ripples in the water. But to settle... to feel like I have accomplished... well that would be better than anything.

So... I continue searching. I wander. I try to fulfill the plan intended for me.

I think one day I might be able to accept what has been sent to me. Until then, all I can do is try.

Written in...

It used to be

That your fate was sealed

In black and white

As plain as day

No denying what the written word said

But now... 

Even after the proverbial ink has faded

And memories have whitewashed to

Paleness

Someone

Somewhere

Can drudge up

Your shame

Words

Attached to your name

Though you have repented

Changed your ways

There is no escape

Archives

Endless records

Of every thought

Word

Comes back like a poison arrow

At the heart

Straight for the kill

Maybe

If I stand still

It won't hurt

As much

Letting Go

I release you

To the wind

To the sky

I finally

Will let go

I finally know

Holding on

To this heart

I thought was mine

Has only made me

Hate mine own heart

So I start

A new

By letting go

Of you

The past

Can no longer weigh me down

I no longer

Will be chained by

Someone who I thought

Was so high

But at the end

You were human

Like the rest

And at best

You had flaws

The same as me

So you see

To let go

Means to know

I have flaws of my own

But I no longer

Am trapped by yours

So for that
I let go

And embrace

A new heart

Apart

From yours

I

Finally

Can let go.