Close Your Eyes

And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

-Pompeii, Bastille

For those who agree with the school of thought that we have been here before, sent again to rectify a mistake from a former life, I think these words are very important. When we live our lives with our eyes open, never taking a second to close them and look inwardly, we lose sight of the bigger picture. We lose sight of who we are and who we are meant to be because we are so caught up in everything that is going on around us.

Sometimes we have to close our eyes and say, "This is what G-d intends for me. I am fulfilling G-d's will." Even challenging situations present the opportunity for incredible growth... How am I gonna be an optimist about this? How am I going to see the good when I feel like there is none?

So here I am... wondering, wishing and waiting, trying to close my eyes and envision the plan that G-d has for me when really it feels like He is just jerking me around like puppet on a string. Which I am. But every move He has conducted for me is done so with careful thought and diligence. I didn't just happen to end up here. Nothing just happens. G-d made it so. And if He did, the question is, how am I gonna be an optimist about this?

New

I just went through some of my posts from the past couple of weeks... and whoa! It seems like I have just been sitting under a rock, moaning and bawling like a baby. And that's not true. There has been one point of contention in my life that has sort of overshadowed a lot of that good that's been going on. And there has been a lot of good.

This summer, compared to others, has been filled with a lot of Simcha and Bracha. I have been having experiences that are new and exciting. I have made new friends, met new people, and seen the world with new eyes.

New.

There is a saying that there is nothing new under the sun, but the sun that shines in my life has revealed a lot of new things. Where I am now is better than where I have been. I feel challenged, but not frustrated. I am being tested, but I am not being bested. Every time I doubt my own abilities, I surprise myself by rising to the occasion and proving myself wrong.

Who I am today is not defined by who I was yesterday and it is no indication of who I will be tomorrow. I can be angry about certain situations that have been thrown against me, or I can just smile and not let them bother me. This is not to say that I am shirking my duties, but I am not being pulled down.

I have been in that place where everything bad just makes me fall in frustration. But no more.

Every morning is a new chance to be better, happier and more fulfilled, and that is where I want to be going.

So I apologize if I have been misleading you with my previous posts. I am actually very happy and very happy learning how to not let things get me down.

Switch

From a friend

To a fraud

I thought you were bringing me closer,

But you were really pulling me away from G-d

I used to look at you

With rose colored glasses

But as I look more closely

I see more clearly as time passes

You were never the good guy

You were devil on my shoulder

And this distance between us now

I hope it keeps growing colder

You think you are going to the right

But that train has left town

And all that it's taken with

Is the people you have brought down

I hope you move on

And move far away

Because I want to look back

And never think about you in the same way

Don't pretend you are so righteous

When you are just being rude

I will applaud goodness

If only you were being good

Slow

Slow down

Everything is

Spinning around

I feel like I am

On a carousel

No brakes

One speed

Fast

A million bright lights

Noises that I can't process

Everything is just moving

Faster

Faster

Fast

Who ever thought

I would be here

Going there

Or that you

And I

Would be worlds apart

Certainly not I

But if I could fly

I would flap my wings

A thousand miles away

Because the second I slow down

To a stop

That means I have dropped

Dead.

It's Been Said

It's hard to understand

Why we mourn

Why we cry

Why...

We die.

And then

I see why

I see how a lie

Can spread across cities

Fly through clouds

And somehow cloud

Judgement

And discretion

All of this

False communication

Has broken us

We have lost trust

In each other

Sister, brother

What about

Just a friend

Can't we end

This merciless talk

Can't we just

Shut our mouths

And walk

Instead of watching

As someone we should care about

Falls apart

Because of you

Who broke her heart

A simple sorry

Is a great way to start

But after that

You have an entire world

To reconcile with

Because what you said

Will keep running

Until your dead

And then it will speak

Before the throne

And it will be your words

To own

And regret,

I hope you never forget.

You, Me

(found this in my drafts...)

This is
Me
Trying to be ok with
You
A different
You
Than the
You
I once knew
It used to be that
We
Could talk
And if
I
Was lost
You would guide
Me
Back to
Me
The
Me
You
Knew
I
Could be
But when
You
Shifted
We
Drifted
And
I
Learned to see
That
I
Wasn't uplifted
By
You
Just enamored
Once
You
Moved in
All the glamour
You
Hid behind
And
Left me
Behind