'Nuff Said

Story of my life....

Magic

Show me a trick
Can you perform a show
You may think that's magic
But how little you know.

Puffs of smoke
And sparkles in the air
For a waving wand
I have little care.

It's not about the cards
Or the rabbit in the hat
There is magic out there
Far more fascinating than that.

If you look beyond the glamour
And all that glitters and shine
You will discover a type of magic
That is an exclusive find.

It's a spark that ignites
Between special souls and friends
That is burning strong
And doesn't end

It is a spell that is spoken
When different children with different abilities
Are as free as a performing
Swinging on a high trapeze

Magic, that you must experience
In order to know
Spreads its shine
And creates an endless glow.

Young

Do you want... for your child to love...
Giving...
Sharing...
Understanding...
Loving...
?

Do you want... for your child to...
Care for others...
Amuse others...
Enlighten others...
Change others...
?

Do you want... for your child to be...
A role model...
Admired...
Respected...
Loved...
?

Then...
Start them young...
Teach them young...
Educate them young...
It's all about..
When they are young...

Red-Handed

I caught you
Talking about me
When you didn't think
I was in the vicinity.

You said, "It's awkward,"
But really, I'm not mad,
Cuz what you said,
Made me sort of glad.

With all this struggle
It's nice to know someone is on my side
Because I didn't want things like this
Where I want to run and hide.

Perhaps it wasn't right
That I was the topic of your conversation
But what it comes down to
Is a matter of dedication

Escape

Running
For nothing
Everything.

Pounding
Cement and asphalt
Miles gone.

Chased
Or pursuing
Leaving you in the dust.

Burning
The sun on my neck
Red-faced and sweating.

Sticking
To the wicking shirt
Overheated.

Dripping
Energy drinks, water
Splashed, stained.

Aching
Shoulders to my toes
One more mile...

I don't care about the time
I care about crossing the finish line
Standing tall, or on my knees.

Nothing can stop me.
This is my moment.
My marathon.

Run when you can.
Walk if you have to.
Crawl if you must
But never, ever give up.

Please, Acceptance, and More

Glee - 118 - Pure Imagination
 
(Listen to this to get a feel of what this post is talking about...)

I have been going since nearly eight this morning... Put nearly 75 miles on the car in one day, and stayed within state limits. Spent over fifty dollars... (Got some fun stuff!)
But a few ideas in my head...

Do you have some spare time? Are you looking for ways to fill your day? Please make the effort to do a cheesed. For yourself, for a friend, for a stranger. There are so many areas where you can donate your time, and to so many worthy causes. To name a few... Chai Lifeline, Yachad, Ohel, Yad Eliezer, A Time, Gemach (Gown, chairs... endless really), Bikur Cholim, Misameach Chosson V'Kallah... (It's been a long day and the list is so much longer... one day I'll add more with links... but for now, Google-ing it shall suffice :) )

I was visiting one of my "families" today. They are Jewish but not Shomer Shabbos (don't keep full kosher). And while I was there, the mother offered me a drink. Initially I thought about the kashrus issue but I didn't mind a glass of water, but I had a water bottle so it didn't matter. But then she said, "if I put it in a red plastic cup, then you can have, right?" No judging, or strange treatment. Totally normal, and she totally understood. We're different... but, we're still the same... Kinda cool.

Lastly... do more. The world needs you to do more. To stand up for what you believe in. To make a change. To make a difference. And you may not think you can, but the littlest thing can have a huge impact, a ripple effect, and make a difference.

So, stop reading blogs and go do something... then come back and tell me what it was... and see the difference you make.

Blackout

What's a blood donation without a story to go with it?

I was supposed to give blood a few weeks ago, after being hounded by the Red Cross. Instead, I pushed it off til today. I walked in the mild heat to the donation site, went through the preliminaries feeling fine then laid down the give blood.

About three quarters through my donation, the lady asked, "how are you feeling?" I responded, "fine." Then, a few moments later, I leaned farther down on the bed, and the lady repeated her question. I responded, as a haze descended over my eyes, "There I go..." and passed out.

It couldn't have been more than 30 seconds but in that time, I had the deepest sleep and a dream (if only I could remember) only to wake up to a beeping noise and people staring over me. I began trembling and shaking and breathing rapidly. Not to mention the pool of sweat. Yum.

A lady was telling me it would be ok and offering me juice. Although the donation was at a shul and the rabbi had given blood earlier, I still asked if the juice was kosher. (I had a different experience where it wasn't and I was supremely peeved.) Anyhow, they finished the donation and I was slick with sweat and feeling dizzy. I made it to the refreshment table and took two bites of a cookie when I put my head down and a lady guided me to a bed.

I laid down for a few minutes until my mother came to pick me up.

And now, more than five hours later I am sitting in bed, fighting off the heaviness in my head and writing this post.

For a first blackout it was rather exciting and (?) exhilarating, but most certainly not worth the Carvel ice cream my mother bought me after the donation when we went to the mall.

It was still yummy though.

Power

Power does not consist in striking hard or often, but in striking true.


The whip is in your hand
You can call the shots
Watch as you deal another blow
And someone you love drops.

Take this staff
And beat until you get what you want
Your menacing presence
Is worst than any cruel name or taunt.

Beaten into subservience
Did things turn out the way you thought
You were the victor
Even though I ask "who fought?"

But when I needed you most
And you held me in you arms
Spoke soft and sweet
And resisted all harms

Your impact was far more effective
Then any slap you gave me
And sometimes I wish we could return
To how it's meant to be.

Systematic

I should have it figured out by now...
I become friends with someone, generally a few years older than me. We are closer than close at the beginning, shmoozing, calling, hanging out. It's great. Then we both get busy as real life comes around... and then there is the Silent period.
I, being younger, have other obligations. And she, being older, has her obligations. Then, I notice I miss her... we reconnect... but she is tired... it's rushed...
Then, the happy news. Engaged!
I shouldn't be shocked. Deep down, I know it's coming. It's not hard to see a huge train, covered in balloons, coming toward you. It's big, obvious and exciting.
But, I scream, I say Mazel Tov, I stop breathing for a second...
When my first "older friend" got engaged, I literally had a panic attack. I couldn't control my breathing, had to put my head between my knees. It was intense. Then, it became a more regular occurrence. I am still excited, happy for my friends...
As one friend put it, "Happy for her, sad for me." Cuz I am losing a friend. And some would argue, "No, that's not true!" But the friendship certainly isn't the same. I am not upset about it (after a few minutes). I accept it, try to keep up as best as I (and she) can, and carry on.
But then I think about the friendship we had... what more we could have had... and I kick myself each time that I didn't call more, visit more...
It's a system that I have fallen into, it's calculated and repetitious... Yet somehow I haven't quite caught on.

Mazel Tov! I am truly happy for you. I am so happy for the visits I could make, for the phone calls, video chats and jokes. Thanks for being you, funny, kind and sweet. You taught me a lot. Mazel Tov.

Cycles

Derailed
Left the trail
The system failed
And he bailed.

Misused
Abused
Stained and bruised
Nothing left to lose

Midnight pain
What more is there to gain?
A pawn in the game
Of sorrow and shame.

He lost fate
Was unable to create
And didn't care to wait
He fought, argued and debated

Another misfit?
On his own quit?
Are we unable to admit
That perhaps we caused the split?

Mistakes made
Debts paid
Roads paved
Lives saved.

Quiet

Hush
Just stop your chatter
And leave your scatter
For when the sun
Has newly begun
And the moon isn't awaiting your arrival

Just hush
All the thoughts that are racing
Because you can't keep yourself pacing
And your mind goes a mile a minute
Because for some reason you can't control it
And the hours slowly tick by

Please keep quiet
I can't bear another minute awake
And how much more of this can I take
Heart palpitations while I need sleep
Sweats and shakes when I want to drift into the deep
Of not being aware

Silence, I beg
My eyes can't remain shut
And another precious hour is cut
The glow of my clock
Reminds me of where I am not
And how badly I need to be

Just... hush...
I am a prisoner to
The choices I make and things I do
That seek to haunt
At absurd hours and taunt
And all I can do is hope for an end.

Hunger

Midnight hunger pains
Early morning shots in the stomach
Hungry... so hungry...
What can satiate
This thirst
This burning emptiness...
What flavor will quench my desire
And cover my palate in delight...
I take a bite
The pain is lessened
Masked with transparent comfort
Momentary safety
A meal is swallowed
Yet the hunger won't go away.
I am hungry,
So hungry.
Food does not fill me
Drink does not console me
Because the emptiness I feel within
Clearly reflects the even deeper emptiness within
Paired with the silence
Of the news longed to be heard

Insomnia

The half past hour
Before unsettling insomnia
And  restless desire
Turn into
Unwanted thoughts
That turn honest men
To liars.

Moon hung low
As sun rises
No wonders, or surprises
Just the world in its rawest
If you can remove the tired
To see the flawless
Maybe you can save your soul.

Vegan for a Week II and III

Monday was worse than Sunday. Being in school, especially during a stressful week of tests did not bode well for my meat-starved, milk-product-craving body. I was tense and irritated all day. My friends tried to pull me out of my self-made promise to remain vegan.         

            “Just have some chocolate! You look like a junkie without his drugs,” they protested.

            “No… I can do it,” I replied weakly. A diet of gluten-free tofu noodles, sauce and too much fruit was not cutting it for me and I was feeling awful.

            It didn’t help matters that my class was having an ice cream party for a Siyum. Or that it was a school-wide lunch program, complete with fresh cooked lasagna. The smell of too much cheese was making me salivate profusely.

            “Um… Rachelli… you’re leaking,” my friend pointed out. Oops.

            I went home that day feeling too tired and too annoyed to do anything. I went to sleep early, hoping sleep would put an end to the angry grumbles coming from my stomach. No such luck

            I had dreams about sitting in a restaurant with juicy, dripping steaks all around me. I woke up with a soaked pillow.

            Ew.

Tuesday wasn’t much better. My breakfast was an apple and three gluten-free, lactose-free, egg-free, ultimately, vegan cookie. Yum, delish. Upon arriving to school I realized I had left my lunch at home. And just my luck, Tuesday is pizza day in school, with the stench of cheese and sauce wafting through the halls as girls carry their plates of oily pizza to their lunchtime spot. Could life be any crueler? At that point, I wanted to stop. To end the whole week of being a vegan and just give up.

It’s too hard. I am too hungry. I WANT meat! Never mind the PETA people- they are all so angry because they DON’T eat meat. Makes ‘em feisty. Cholent is good for the soul.

And it’s not just the meat- ice cream is an integral part of any diet… and chocolate- who doesn’t like good ‘ol milk chocolate? Parve chocolate is great, but I miss Hershey’s and Kisses and M&M’s. Call me a weakling. Call me pathetic. I like meat. I like chocolate. Vegan is NOT my thing.

I was ready to throw in the towel. I knew a friend who had chocolate in her locker. I opened the door and grabbed the bag. Just inches from my mouth, I was suddenly knocked over.

            “What are you doing?!” someone yelled. I curled up on the floor and held myself. So close… so close…. “You can’t give up yet!” I looked up and growled at her.

            Three days down… Four to go. Heaven help us all.

                                        

Defying Gravity

One of the beauties of Yiddishkeit (and a principle in Chassidus that I recently learned about) is the ability to take the good from the bad. To elevate that which is mundane to something pure, holy and beautiful.

Sometimes it's a stretch, sometimes it's debatable, but if you look for beauty, you'll see it. That being said, I was in the car today driving with some friends and we were listening to Wicked. For those of you who haven't heard/seen Wicked, you are missing out. The story is a bit sketchy, but the music is stunning and profound. Below are the lyrics to what I feel is a song that most people need to sing daily.

It's time to try 

Defying gravity 

I think I'll try 

Defying gravity 

And you can't pull me down!...

I'm through accepting limits

cause someone says they're so 

Some things I cannot change 

But till I try, I'll never know! 

Too long I've been afraid of 

Losing love I guess I've lost.

How often are we told "You can't," "It's not possible, don't try?" Do you realize how much of the world would be different if someone didn't swim against the tide and try the impossible? This past Shabbos in shul, my Rabbi was addressing the graduates of the congregation. He said, never stop being idealistic. Dream big. Don't let people tell you "you can't" stop you. Because if you do, you might never be the person you are destined to be. Sometimes, it seems impossible, but you have try defying gravity. Whoever said "it's impossible" never tried hard enough. (With the exception of nailing jell-o to a tree.)

Vegan for a Week I

Vegan for a Week

When I announced to my family at Tuesday night’s Leftover Dinner, that I decided to become vegan for a week, the room went silent, then erupted in laughter. Stunned, I protested that I could do it.

            “You do realize that you attack the cholent at Kiddush at shul and constantly crave meant? You couldn’t do it,” my sister stated arrogantly. I glared at her, and then shoveled a piece of brisket, covered in ketchup into my mouth.

            “You said that the smell of the grilling London Broil made you nearly pass out it smelled so good,” my mother remarked. I took a drink of water.

            “And that means no ice cream,” my sister said. “Or milk in your coffee.”

            “It’s one week. I so can do it.” I was determined.

            Sunday, day one, finally arrived. I hopped out of bed, excited for my new challenge. I went downstairs for breakfast and scanned the pantry. Cereal… can’t have milk with it… peanut butter… on a spoon. Yum. Oatmeal… yuck. I turned to the fridge. Eggs? Nope… milk? Not allowed. I grabbed a banana and a glass of water.

            “How’s it going so far?” my sister asked, her left eyebrow slightly raised in amusement.

            “Jwust faboolos,” I responded, mouth full of banana mush. I took a drink of water, finished the yellow fruit and left the kitchen.

            One meal down. A long way to go…

Celebrate Israel Parade

Click the link below for LIVE COVERAGE of the Israel Day Parade in New York!

http://salutetoisrael.com/parade/webcast.php

Photo by: Chaim Schvarcz

Pajamas

A friend once told me of something she and her friends did when they walked around on Shabbos. When they passed by someone, they would mumble "pajamas," and see if anyone caught on. After all, Gut Shabbos/G'Shabbos and Pajamas sound alike, right? One person caught in. Smiles :)

When I was walking this Shabbos I passed by someone. He was on the sidewalk and I moved to the street. I didn't greet him and he didn't greet me. Ensue a rant inside my head "What if he thinks I am rude? Isn't it bad for shidduchim? What if I said hi? Would he think I am too friendly?"

Sounds a little hysterical, but that leads me to wonder.

What's the right thing to do?

If I say hi first will he think I am overfriendly and flirtatious? (Having been accused of this before in other situations, I try to be careful...) And if he doesn't respond, how much worse!

So I compiled a list of what I deem to be appropriate Shabbos greeting etiquette.

1.     If it is a single male, I wait for him to say Good Shabbos first, and will respond if he greets me.

2.     If it is female/group of females, I will say Good Shabbos. Especially if I know them

3.     If it is a husband and wife, I will say Good Shabbos.

4.     If it is a group of males, I will most likely not say Good Shabbos, but if they do, then I will greet them.

Walking down the street with all this in mind gets complicated. I don’t like being rude. I am a friendly person, I do like schmoozing with people, but I don’t want to cross any boundaries or offend anyone. And I certainly don’t want to ruin any shidduch prospects.

What do you think?

Post Sabbatical Salutations!

Parade

It's a day
A moment
A fleeting second...

It was a triumph
A victory
A new beginning.

There was a tear
A still sound
A celebration.

There is a promise
A dream
A future

We stood hand in hand
We danced as one
We were united.

(Photo taken by: Chaim Schvarcz)

Nature

The beauty of nature is,
That it never stays the same.
A blowing wind,
Changes the scene
The rays of the sun,
Give new definition to what's underneath.
And each changing season
Leaves a new interpertation to be (mis)understood.
The turning world
In the slowest of motions

Opens our eyes to new notions

About what seems natural

And that nothing is as it seems

The world changes instantly, rapidly and repeatedly.

Don't blink.