Where's the Music?

The faint melody is fading fast
Something tells me this soothing song
Is not going to last.

I watch as the last note
Dances off into the distance
And I follow it by rote.

Where's the music?
The song that used to play
That engaging tune
That used to carry my thoughts far away.

The symphony I used to orchestrate
No longer plays in my mind
All the black dots and strokes have begun to disintegrate.

Where's the music?
I kept it so close to my heart
How can it be that something I held so dear
Has begun to fall apart?

Where's the music?
The song that you used to sing
Where are the words to your lyrics
That I was obsessed with writing?

I watched, and listened with heart ache
As the sounds of happy delirium
Slowly fade away, leaving me left to break

Where have the sound of happiness, joy and wonder
Disappeared to in a fleeting moment
Leaving only the horrid sound of menacing thunder

Where's the music?
The delightful sounds that used to enrapture my mind
I miss the music that used to be playing endlessly
Where's the music that I am so desperate to find?

Unable to Speak

I wrote this after I lost my voice. It was one of the toughest days I've ever experienced. I felt totally at a loss for all the things I couldn't say. I spent the day, trying to make myself heard and I just couldn't! For someone like me, who loves to talk and could go on for hours and hours, it was actually painful. To not be heard, to not be able to speak... that was a physical manifestation of lack of speech...
A mental lack of speech is just as difficult. I am more than able to say these things, my vocal chords could string together any combination of words that I wish to say in order to convey a message. But my mind... and my heart won't let me. I am so tongue-tied and twisted, it's embarrassing. Of all the times in the world to not be able to speak, I am so sorry it happened when I needed to speak the most. When I desperately needed to relieve some of the pain and hurt I feel.
And there is what to say about not being able to say anything. When opportune moments pass all you want to do is scream about how much you just wanted to be able to say the things on your mind! I felt it... I was a coward. I passed up the chance to tell you how I feel... Fear... how controlling... I wish I could just tell you, face to face, without all these blocks on my mind... lack of sleep, again, fear, wonderment and cowardly feelings. I missed the chance... I hope it comes again soon.
So here, this is what I have to say about not being able to say anything... I hope you hear what I can't convey in words outloud. Maybe one day I'll be able too.

Have you ever lost the ability to speak?

Your can’t say what you want,

Because your voice has become pathetic and weak,

And those who can speak, just stand and taunt.

It’s a restriction,

One so powerful and great,

It’s an affliction,

One that no one can relate.

It’s hopelessly empty,

When no one can hear,

You can always be seen,

But it’s as if you’re not there.

Because you can’t speak your mind,

You can't voice your opinion,

And no one can be sure to find,

You feel so out of place, so entirely foregone.

It’s desperately hard when you can’t speak your mind.

It hurts to talk,

Because you have no voice,

It’s either smile, or walk,

It’s your only choice.

Chained up with no way out,

Because you can’t utter a word,

It is impossible to scream or shout,

And you want to speak, but you can't be heard.

It’s lonely and secluded,

In this emptiness,

That seems so deluded,

And so impossible to express.

I Miss You

Just feeling a little down. Missing some people... missing some friends... missing what once was...

I Miss You
It’s a disease,
Creeping, crawling,
Blinding my conscience,
Stabbing at my heart,
Shattering it to pieces.
It’s the pain of missing you.

Around you I could breathe
Your smile was fresh air
Now I'm choking gasping for breath
Losing hope.

I search for a cure
There is none to be found
Until I see your gleaming smile
Cast light on my glooming face
And hear your witty voice

Life moves on
It always does
But the sickness remains
I miss you still
But I’ll move on
Just like you told me to

I miss you
You know I do
I told you I would
Just don’t forget me
Please

Tomorrow will come
Yesterday has passed
Healing the wounds
That your absence has left
Today it’s so hard
Tomorrow will be better

The memories, they fight
To heal my cold dark mind
They envelope me in a moment of warmth
Soothing the scars
Protecting my heart

Smiling
Happy
Angry
Scared
You saw it all

The movie of my life
Would be filled with twists and turns
But you were there at every bend
I miss you
You know I do

The suffering has left me
No longer am I broken
I remember all the good times
Your love, light and everything
Keeps me strong and whole

Forget.
Impossible.
Remember.
Always.
I miss you.