In Everything I See

I wake up 

And I look for you

I go to sleep

And dream of you

I wait for your arrival

And search for your existence

I have been wandering down roads

And making choices with uncertainty

I write with the hope

That I will find clarity

I feel in every moment

For your presence

And in every moment

You are present

I know that it is a gift

To recognize you

To know that I am not alone

That there are answers

To the questions that concern me

And to the questions I don't dare ask

People ask how I cope

But it simply through my hope

My belief and faith

That there is a higher being

Or else

All the pain

All the promises

Would have not point

If not part of some divine plan

That I too limited to understand

In everything I see

In everything I do

In everything I feel

I know that there is nothing

Nothing more real

Than the truth of you

The Challenge of Emuna

I.

You sent me

Into the cold

The heat

The elements

Of wind

Rain and storm

To sit in peace

And solitude

In happiness

And peace

With the knowledge

That you will shelter me

And keep me safe

From harm

I am your faithful servant

Your beloved child

I trust in your choices

Your decisions

And I will rejoice

In that acceptance.

II.

How could you

Take away

My safety

And security

How can you

Expect me

To feel safe

When the roof above my head

Is about to blow away

And the walls around me

Are waving in the slightest breeze

How could my father

Remove me from my home

Take away my comfort

And yet

You want me to trust

To believe

To rejoice?

This tragic hut

Will float away

In my tears of abandonment

Because you left me alone

III.

I don't understand

Why you threw me into the cold

Took away the one I loved

Removed my one source of joy

I feel challenged in my belief

And question the decisions you have made for me

I try

With pathetic attempts

To make sense of the senseless

To rearrange the pieces of my heart

And rewire the dysfunction of my brain

To find a place in my soul

Where you belong

And can help me on my journey

To happiness

This is the first of my journey

I have two more attempts

On my feeble feet

To come closer

And with each step

I hope to reach full acceptance

Of every challenge

With happiness and love.