Casual conversation of trivial topics-- or maybe not, as pain is never trivial--
Turns into heart stopping fear, of an intense kind
As realization settles in, hard and heavy...
And acceptance starts to plant seeds
That will one day bear fruits
Of understanding, and perhaps contentment,
Though for now, I stand, with a weighted heart
To simply allow the news, to take root
While it is watered with my falling tears
And soaked in the light of a sun
That is happiness, as it shines to penetrate
Against the blackness that fights to lay dark clouds
Of anger and depression, perhaps revolt
In a most vicious manner.
Inner storms brew, waging war on my state of being
The cold, the warmth strike each other
As one tries to emerge victor
The defender of my bliss, the offender of the sadness tyranny
The protector of my madness, the offender of my elated laugh
Two enemies, or perhaps, two friends
Who fight to achieve an inner balance
Of which I yearn to know of, and let blossom within in me....
(It's late, I'm reading Shakespeare, and I have come to the surprising, and almost frightening realization, I know far too many sick children and adults... chronic or cancer, it's almost too much too bear. And those are alive and suffering might out weigh those who have passed on, yet the number is still too great on either side... And as I write down another name to daven for-- Tehillem is all we have-- I come to the chilling conclusion... nothing in this world is in our hands. It's all up to Him. And if He doesn't know what's going on... certainly we can never... Good thing He's steering this ship. At least I can be assured I'll land on a warm, safe island soon... with all those I know who suffer an illness a sea, resting blissfully under a warm sun and sipping fruity drinks....)
